


A Hero? A Scholar.

by loki_dokey



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is a freestyle rapper extraordinaire, Alex will probably end up with every character in some way shape or form, Alternate Universe - College/University, Blood and Injury, College AU, Eventual Lams, Eventual Smut, F/M, Humour, It IS college after all, John in Denial About His Sexuality, Lafayette is a treasure, M/M, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:58:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loki_dokey/pseuds/loki_dokey
Summary: The first applicant took to the mic stand. They introduced themselves and performed some interesting and partially funny comedy. And that was how it went. Thirteen applicants came before Alex, including Thomas who did damn well at his rap. Alex smiled weakly at him as he walked up to the microphone and swallowed hard. He stared at it, then at Martha and then at Washington who was focusing intently on him, his chin propped against his hand. He nodded, as though giving Alex permission to speak to his audience. Alex lifted the large headphones and placed them over his ears.“I'm...Alex Hamilton.” He cleared his throat. Stood up straight. Now was not a time for nerves. Now was a time for justice. “ And I have something I'd like to say.”





	1. There'll Be More of Us

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first Hamilton fic! I hope you enjoy it and feel free to let me know what you think in the comments. I have many places to go with this and I can only dream that you're willing to come along for the ride! <3 I know there are lots of college aus out there but I had too many ideas not to write one myself. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It wasn’t that he wasn’t thrilled to be starting college. On the contrary, he was a ball of pure, bubbling energy who was fit to burst over that very fact. However, throughout his entire life he had grown up on the tiny island of St. Croix - in the middle of nowhere - and now...here he was...on one of the most prestigious campuses in the United States as an enrolled student. It had taken a lot to get him here, including crowdfunding and sponsorships left, right and centre. He’d worked his ass off and now? He had finally _arrived_. It was all a little overwhelming and beyond scary, to be truthful. There were hundreds of people all around him, both new and current students alike meeting and greeting and catching up with one another. He was a part of this now. He had a chance and he had to take it with every ounce of his being and soul. This new reality was a certainly a reality check for the young Alexander Hamilton.

*

Alex wrapped his hand around the strap of his backpack, clutching it tightly. His dorm number was 1776 which was the third floor of the Franklin building. He was sure of it. Or was he? He rolled his eyes and went to grab his map from his bag but then stopped himself. No, he just had to remember to _breathe_ and have a moment of calm. Everything would be fine. He closed his eyes, allowing the swell and pulsation of the shifting student body to drift away. He began to smile, ready for a new adventure, grounding himself in the moment-

“Woah, holy shit!” came a hurried voice behind him. Suddenly, someone slammed into the back of him and he went flying, perhaps becoming _too_ grounded as his wrist crunched under his weight. Silence.

“It’s really no issue,” Alex hissed through gritted teeth, beginning to pick himself up. His wrist throbbed and he felt tears sting in the corners of his eyes. Was it broken? Just then, some kind soul dropped to their knees beside him and helped him to his feet.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, Aaron Burr?” the girl snapped. “Watch where you’re going!”

Alex glanced to his right, taking in the beautiful _woman_ who was assisting him. His jaw fell open ever so slightly.

“Well he shouldn’t really have been standing there right in the middle of the main pathway, should he?” replied his assailant. Alex tried to move his hand. It hurt a lot. He sucked in a breath. It was _then_ that he realised what the person had said. It was _then_ that he realised he was being blamed for, it seemed, simply living his life.

“You should just learn to-” his stunning defender began, but Alex span around on the spot and proceeded to lock eyes with a tall, dark-skinned boy who looked like he had pigshit being held under his nose. He seemed ever so slightly taken aback by Alex’s stern expression and sudden movement.

“Pardon me, are _you_ Aaron Burr, sir?” Alex asked politely, despite a storm rising inside of him.

The boy laughed him off, folding his arms and leaning closer.

“Yeah and who’s asking?”

Alex frowned further. He’d faced assholes like this all his life.

“How rude of me not to introduce myself before I was knocked on my ass!” Alex chuckled. “If you must know who’s asking, my name is Alexander Hamilton and sir-” Alex bowed despite the pain crawling up towards his elbow. “- I am exclusively at your service. From now until the end of my time at this college I will make it my personal mission to _ensure_ that no one gets in your way ever again. I’ll sweep the streets of urchins like me for you.”

Aaron Burr obviously didn’t appreciate nor expect Alex’s retort, which of course had been Alex’s aim, and the boy’s face twitched. His face dropped into a more prominent scowl. He stepped forward. So did Alex.

“You should know, _Hamilton_ , that I am on the student council and I can and _will_ make it my own personal mission to ensure that from now, to the end of your time at this college, you will always be checking over your shoulder to make sure I’m not coming after _you_.”

 

So it appeared that Alex had single-handedly discovered the biggest prick at his new school on his very first day, within his very first hour. He couldn’t contain the snort that broke out of him at the guy’s response because it was just so _ridiculous._ Apparently this was too much for Mr. Aaron Burr to take. With a deep breath, he shoved his way past Alex and stalked off towards the campus library.

“Well shit,” came a familiar female voice. Alex turned and found himself face to face with the beautiful girl in a flattering, deep-cut summer dress. Alex had to force his eyes to remain on hers. “You’re fiesty for a first year.”

Alex swallowed hard.

“Well, to be honest, I was shitting myself a lot about this whole thing which was why I was just standing there in the middle of the path and then _he_ shows up and breaks my damn _wrist_ and I’m just hoping not everyone at this place is as conceited and arrogant as that guy.”

The girl raised an eyebrow but smiled. She appeared to run her eyes all over him before meeting his gaze again. Alex shuddered. “Fiesty _and_ chatty. I like you already, Alexander Hamilton.”

“Call me Alex,” he gushed, finding it increasingly hard to believe that he was actually being spoken to by a girl as pretty as her.

“Alex. Do _I_ seem like I’m as conceited and as arrogant as Aaron Burr?”

“...No?”

She patted his shoulder. “Well then, you have nothing to worry about. We certainly aren’t all like _him_. I’m Angelica Schuyler, second year majoring in Psychology.” She went to grasp his hand before quickly recoiling back and grimacing at his good hand clutching the other. “Ah. Um. Perhaps we should save pleasantries until we get you seen by the nurse…?”

*

The nurse’s office was almost empty when they arrived, aside from the group of three boys in the corner who were were chattering away to one another excitedly. The largest of the three was bleeding quite profusely into a paper towel that was pressed against his eyebrow. Alex pulled a face. It looked horrendous. However, on the boy’s mouth was a juxtaposing grin.

“Mulligan, are you serious?” Angelica sighed deeply as she walked Alex over to the front desk. “The damn semester hasn’t even started yet.”

A pretty boy, who caught Alex’s immediate attention, spoke up through fits of laughter. He had a lovely smile, Alex noted.

“We bet Hercules that he couldn’t sneak into Reynold’s dorm and steal the bottle of rum I knew he’d been keeping for the first party of the year. Some kind of high brand expensive stuff from the Caribbean over summer break.”

Alex wondered where in the Caribbean whilst wondering how anyone could be as pretty as that boy. Then he remembered Angelica beside him, who smirked disapprovingly.

“And I’m assuming he got caught?”

The final boy, dressed to the nines in bottle-green attire, giggled and nodded. A surprisingly thick french accent followed in his words.

“ _Oui oui_ ,” he cackled, beaming. “Reynold’s discovered him in his room as you can see.” He dramatically gestured at the blood, shoulders heaving. “Alas, he didn’t get the bottle. _Merde.”_ He clicked his fingers.

That was it for them all then. They collapsed about into peals of uproarious laughter, causing the nurse to storm out of her back room and bark at them all to shut up.

They quietened down as she went back to her current patient but the pretty boy pulled a book from his bag, sniggering.

“ _We_ got his _diary_ ,” he whispered, tears of laughter pouring down his cheeks.

Angelica paused for a moment. “You didn’t?! _Boys_!”

“Um…” Alex began, opening his mouth for the first time. All three boys and Angelica looked to him.

Angelica seemed to snap out of a reverie after a beat. “Oh! This is Alexander Hamilton. He’s a first year and he just gave _Aaron Burr_ a piece of his mind.”

She proceeded to tell them what had happened and the well-dressed boy - who was apparently called ‘Lafayette’ - bounded to his feet.

“Good for you,” he announced, walking over. “That asshole needs someone to put him in his place. I would shake your hand but it would seem…mon dieu...it would seem it’s not...not good.” Lafayette peered down at his wounded wrist.

“Burr is a real piece of shit. I’ve heard that he’s running for vice president to the council this year. Doesn’t deserve it at all. You’ve got some balls, though, giving him hell. I respect that.” John Laurens, the pretty boy, was now very close and Alex was very aware that he, a very average, _average_ person, was slowly being cornered by overly beautiful people.

“S-so why is getting this guy’s diary such a big deal?” he managed, changing the subject. “Isn’t that a bit invasive?”

They all looked to one another and Alex immediately regretted saying anything. Now he had only gone and shown them that he disapproved of their actions (worthy of being disapproved of but still, Alex, you fucking moron. Great move. Now they think you’re a huge drip.).

“We aren’t often in the habit of theft,” Lafayette began, rolling his eyes.

“We didn’t do it because we’re bad guys,” Hercules added. “In fact I’d say we were the Robin Hoods of this here university.”

John rubbed the back of his head, obviously uneasy.

“Reynolds was accused of sexual assault last year but the girl had no proof.  He’s the real sleazy type though. It’s obvious that he did it.”

“So we were stealing his rum as an act of punishment. But then, _diary_.” Hercules held it in the air like it was the holy bible and patted it for good measure. “This could hold the proof that Maria needs to get this guy caught and punished for real.”

 

Like a refreshing wave, relief washed over Alex. So they weren’t thieving assholes. They were maybe toeing the line of vigilantism, but they weren’t bad people. Alex was about to ask what exactly Reynold’s had done to this Maria girl, but was interrupted.

“Hercules Mulligan?” the nurse announced into the room, but the older boy ushered at Alex to go first.

“You go. I’m all good.” Blood still soaked further into the towel against his forehead leading Alex to seriously question what exactly he was good with. “You honestly look like you need to go to the hospital, Hamilton.”

John had found his way back to his seat beside Hercules and smiled wide.

“Hopefully we’ll see you at Angelica’s house tomorrow for her party?”

Angelica froze for a second before breaking out into her own enormous grin.

“Yes! Of course! Alex, you simply _have_ to come tomorrow night! Give me your phone while you’re in with the nurse and I’ll send you all of the information!”

Somewhat less apprehensively than he maybe should have, he handed the nice, beautiful stranger his phone and went into the nurse’s room where she confirmed that he would need to go to the hospital to have an x-ray.

 

Despite that, he had a warm feeling blossoming in his chest.

 

Perhaps college wouldn’t be _so_ scary after all.


	2. The Room Where It Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God bless Alexander Hamilton. I love writing this dork.

Thankfully for Alex, John and Lafayette had been kind enough to take his belongings up to his new dorm room whilst he went around the corner to the hospital. It was only a ten minute walk so he was there in no time and luckily it turned out to be a severe sprain rather than a break. _Proof that Burr can’t easily break me_ , he thought to himself smugly as he made his way back to campus, wrist wrapped in an elastic bandage. In his pocket, his phone buzzed. It appeared that Angelica, along with each of the three boys, had input their numbers into his phone when he’d been in seeing the nurse. The same warmth from earlier fluttered inside of him.

 

JL: Hi Alexander! Just wanted to let u know that ur stuff is in ur room. Just to warn u, ur roommate is...interesting. Hope u didn’t break ur wrist, man. That would suck. Let me know if u want me 2 have words with Burr. >:-( Anyway, c u tomorrow! Xx

 

Pretty boy John Laurens was _texting_ him. Alex could barely contain himself.

 

A.Ham: My wrist is sprained, don’t worry about me! And it’s okay, you’ve done enough man, seriously! Good luck with the diary and yeah, see you tomorrow :-) Alex Xxx

JL: :-) xxxx

 

*

 

When Alex arrived at his assigned dorm room, the door was slightly ajar and In For the Kill by La Roux was pouring out from what seemed like a very decent sound system. Slowly, Alex pushed open the door and bit down on his lip as he took in what he found inside.

Huge, thick, burgundy drapes were slung across the wall on one side of the room and one was actually across the room itself to create some sort of barrier. Synth pop posters were pinned here and there and frankly Alex didn’t quite know where to look first. He discovered his new roommate rummaging through a cheetah-print suitcase, ass in the air, bopping away to the music. For once, Alex had no idea what to say. He felt that his eyes were as large as dinner plates as he looked about the room. He coughed gently and the boy almost jumped out of his skin, shrieking.

“Oh my _god_ , don’t scare me like that!”

Alex blinked. “Uh...sorry? I guess?”

The boy held his hand to his chest, steadying himself. Alex shifted from foot to foot, still loitering in the doorway. He checked the door sign. ‘1776’. Yep. Right room. The boy calmed and Alex noticed that he was wearing a fluffy bathrobe with initials ‘TJ’ stitched into the left side.

“You must be Alexander Hamilton?” TJ said, slowly making his way across the room. There was something inherently ominous about the motion. “I’m Thomas Jefferson.” Without looking, Thomas grabbed at Alex’s bandaged hand (of course) and shook it vigorously. Firmly. Alex held in the scream that almost ripped its way out from inside of him. Clearly Thomas didn’t note the pain in his eyes and instantly went back to his suitcase.

“As you can see,” he began, his back to Alex. This was good because Alex managed to let out a silent scream whilst rubbing his poor, poor wrist. “I am a very private person.”  
“Didn’t you apply for a single residency room?”

“Of course I did!” Thomas sighed, shutting the suitcase and sitting on his bed. “But I didn’t get it. Obviously.”

Alex unzipped his own suitcase, watching Thomas from the corner of his eye. John had been right; there _was_ something unnerving about him. With a deep inhalation of breath, he decided that he would give Thomas the benefit of the doubt. That perhaps it was just the stress of moving day that was making him so...grumpy. On the other hand, perhaps this was just who he was as a person. Alex very much prayed this wasn’t the case.

“So.” Thomas announced to the room. “As I said. Private person. Long story short: don’t touch my stuff.” He turned, eyes on Alex. “Ever.”

Alex almost wanted to ask “or what?” but he bit his tongue and shoved his headphones in his ears. He had a feeling synth pop and whining was all he’d be hearing for another year.

On his bed he found a pamphlet for orientation week. He assumed either Lafayette or John had left it for him which made him smile. He sat on his bed and crossed his legs. Flicking through, he quickly realised that some of the clubs and societies were circled. Hockey, art, fashion, football. All very interesting, yes, but not really his style. He grinned further, however, as it was clear that the boys were showing him the clubs they attended. It made sense. He assumed John was the sporty type, with hockey and football. He could see Lafayette making dresses and painting. His phone loudly vibrated on the bedside table and he swore he saw Thomas shoot him a dirty look. When he looked up at the boy, however, he was back to rehanging the side of one of his drapes.

 

Guardian Angelica <3 : How’s the wrist, Alex?

A. Ham: Not broken! Thanks for all the help today; it was very appreciated. You made me feel very welcome too.

Guardian Angelica <3 : For someone who has a busted wrist I’m impressed you were able to use a semicolon there. Haha! Also it was my pleasure. You’re a cute little freshman who needs some second year buddies to help you through.

 _Cute little freshman._ Alex died.

A.Ham: It was a struggle but for an English major not to use correct punctuation would be poor form indeed. ;-) Can’t wait to see you all again tomorrow.

Guardian Angelica <3 : Yes! Tomorrow. I’ve got someone else I’d like you to meet as well. But you’ll have to wait and see who it is!

 

Alex raised an eyebrow. He hoped it was someone average this time, like him. That would be nice. He didn’t think he’d be able to cope with even more beautiful people in his life.

 

*

 

When Alex’s side of the dorm room was finally complete, it was around nine in the evening. Thomas had disappeared to somewhere else on campus; he’d been very vague about where he was going. To be honest, Alex didn’t particularly care. Before leaving, Thomas had also made it very clear - again - that Alex was not to touch anything that he owned because apparently, “he would know”. And “he would kill him”. Thomas hadn’t said that, sure. But Alex assumed as much.

With Thomas out of the room, Alex could finally relax. He grabbed the orientation pamphlet again from the side and studied it more carefully this time. The college offered an abundance of societies but he already knew which one he was most interested in. The student council had been something he’d been very intrigued by when he’d visited the college before. He had always wanted to make a difference somewhere, somehow, and college seemed like the perfect place to try out making a difference. The student council was something that definitely should enable change to happen. But then he’d found out that Aaron Burr was a part of it and the whole council sounded dismal. If they let someone like that in, surely it was a waste of Alex’s time. He picked up his phone, curious.

 

A.Ham: Hey! Can I ask you a question? Only because you seemed to know a lot about the student council when we met earlier. X

JL: Hi :-D Sure, shoot! Xx

A.Ham: Well, I wanted to join the council but then...Aaron Burr, y’know? Do they actually make a difference at this college?

JL: Hmm. Good question. Not...really? I mean, they listen 2 ppl’s issues and act like they care but it’s not a leading force here. Tbh I’d say the biggest influencer here is George Washington. He works 4 the student radio. He uses his voice 2 influence change.

 

Alex laid there for a moment. The radio? Was that what he should be considering then? He leafed through the pamphlet and found the student radio brief. Washington seemed like a pretty cool guy. Perhaps Alex could talk with him at the radio stall on Tuesday.

 

JL: Did I help? Xxxx

 

Alex smiled.

 

A.Ham: Absolutely. Thanks John X

JL: Not considering football or art? I can promise they r a lot of fun ;-)

A.Ham: You do art?

JL: Surprised?

 

Alex thought for a moment.

 

A.Ham: ...No? Well...maybe. I’m sure you’ll only continue to surprise me, John. It seems there’s a lot more to you than meets the eye. Xx

JL: Oh Alexander Hamilton, you have _no_ idea Xxx

 

*

 

Alex wasn’t sure when it was that he dropped off to sleep. He hadn’t heard Thomas come back but when he cracked open an eyelid he found Jefferson glaring at him from his own bed. It made Alex jolt and the pain in his wrist sear.

“What...are you doing?” Alex managed, voice cracking. He rubbed his eyes and allowed his heartbeat to slow.

“You snore.”

“No I don’t.”

“Well, I have proof.” Thomas produced his phone and pressed a few buttons before playing a soft, sleeping sound that was barely there.

Alex frowned. “Is that it?”

“It’s _very_ annoying.”

“ _You’re_ very annoying.”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you want to come to a party tonight, Jefferson?”

 _That_ caught him off-guard. Thomas sat up in bed, staring at Alex like he was an enigma.

“A party?”

Alex rolled his eyes before sitting up and stretching. “Yes, a party. Look, we have to live together this year and _I_ want us to at least try and start off on the right foot.”

Thomas was quiet for a while. Alex took this opportunity to get up and have a shower. When he returned, Thomas was still sitting on his bed and smiling.

“Well?” Alex asked, drying his hair. Thomas beamed.

“I’d love to!”

Alex immediately began to wonder if he'd just made a wise choice or a terrible mistake. He begrudgingly assumed that it was probably the latter.


	3. Another Round Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MAY HAVE BEEN DRUNK WHEN I WROTE THIS DON'T JUDGE ME

The music inside the house was booming. People were spilling out onto the front yard and around to the sides of the house too. Alex took a moment to breathe. He really didn’t want to get over-excited and make a dick of himself tonight. The same couldn’t really be said for Thomas who, beside him, was literally shaking. The boy had chosen to wear an actual slate-grey suit (to a college party?!) adorned with a tie and fancy shoes.  A huge grin was spread across his face and the lights from the house shimmered in his eyes. Alex laughed and shook his head.

“Are you going to be alright, Jefferson?”

Thomas nodded eagerly. “First college party of the year...with _second_ years! This is the best. Thanks for inviting me, Hamilton.” He clapped his hands together. “I hope there’s beer. We should get beer. Lots of beer.”

“Are you sure about that?” Alex asked as they watched a guy stumble from the house and throw up into the street. Thomas recoiled and checked his watch.

“Jeez, it’s not even 11. Well, rest assured.” He laid a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “ _I_ won’t get into _that_ state.”

At this, Alex tugged Thomas across the road as he was eager to find Angelica and the others. He hoped to high heaven that they would make him feel welcome. His worst fear would be sitting in the corner and drinking alone because they were all too preoccupied with themselves and their friends.

 

Making their way around the side of the house, they discovered that there were quite literally hundreds of people in attendance. They had real Red Solo cups and all looked so fashionable and Alex wasn’t so sure he would fit in here. He had never drunk from a Red Solo cup and he certainly wasn’t that fashionable. He had chosen to wear his red converses, a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a white shirt rolled up at the sleeves. That was sexy, right? He had chosen well...right? He hoped so. He dreamed that Angelica would take one look at him and grab him and kiss him. Or maybe John Laurens. Yes. Either one would be fantastic and an excellent start to university life.

 

At the back of the house, there was an enormous pool filled with people and large blow-up pool toys. Beside the pool was a table filled with bottles and kegs and a sign that read ‘Help Yourself!’

“Don’t mind if I do,” Thomas announced before bounding over to the table like some kind of excitable little goat. Alex cocked his head to the side and watched him pour two cups of beer. He brought them back to Alex and handed him a very full cup.

“To college!” he shouted, smashing his cup into Alex’s and proceeding to down it. Alex stared into the golden liquid before doing the same. It was cold and refreshing; he could certainly drink more of these. As he poured the drink down his throat, someone clapped him on the back hard. He almost choked and henceforth spluttered beer everywhere.

“Alexander Hamilton!” Hercules Mulligan roared, rubbing the younger boy’s shoulder. Alex span around and smiled weakly, wiping the beer from around his mouth. The cut on Hercules’ eyebrow was held together with strips of white bandage and now didn’t look anywhere near as horrendous. “Who’s your friend?”

“Thomas Jefferson!” Thomas chirped, grabbing Hercules’ hand and shaking it. “It’s a pleasure.”

Hercules smirked at the excitable boy and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Lafayette who sauntered out of the doors behind him.

“ _Bonsoir, bonsoir!”_ the frenchman bellowed over the music, arms outstretched. His outfit - an extremely flowery suit - was daring, but Alex had to admit that he was killing it. “How are you, Alexander?” Lafayette looked down at his bandaged wrist and frowned dramatically. Alex chuckled.

“It’s only a sprain. No biggie.”

Lafayette raised an eyebrow.

“He means it’s alright. He’s not broken it,” Hercules offered helpfully and Lafayette nodded.

“ _C’est bon, c’est tr_ _è_ _s bien._ Angelica will be happy to hear that you have arrived. She hasn’t stopped talking about you all evening.”

Something fluttered in Alex’s chest. Really? She hadn’t stopped talking about him? He felt a blush bloom on his cheeks and it was Lafayette’s turn to smirk.

“First years are so adorable, _non_?” he giggled, knocking back his drink. “Shots!”

“SHOTS!” Hercules suddenly shouted, fist-pumping the air and making both Alex and Thomas jump. “Laurens! Get out here! We’re doing shots with the kids!”

Alex’s heart caught in his throat. _John_ . _Pretty boy John._ However, the first person to emerge from the house made his heart drop into his damn ass.

_Aaron Burr._

“Alexander Hamilton, we meet again” Burr said curtly, stepping forward towards him. His gaze flickered to Alex’s wrist before meeting his eyes again. “I do believe I owe you an apology.”

Angelica appeared behind Burr.

“Oh do you?” Alex replied, chewing the inside of his cheek before frowning. “For what, can I ask?”

Burr laughed under his breath. “Just as spirited as before I see.” Burr coughed. “It was my fault that you hurt your wrist. I was stressed and in a rush. I shouldn’t have made it out that you were to blame.”

Lafayette gasped mockingly and “fainted” on Hercules. Angelica smiled. Alex blinked rapidly.

“You really mean that?” he asked, folding his arms.

Burr nodded. “Absolutely. Look, I don’t want to give you a bad start at college, Hamilton. You deserve a fresh, happy start like the rest of us.”

Alex raised his eyebrow. Burr looked to Angelica. This was odd - Burr didn’t seem like the kind of person who would apologise for what he believed was someone else’s fault. However, Alex wasn’t going to let that thought blur this apology and ruin his evening. Better to have friends than enemies, right?

“No problem, Aaron. Thanks for the apology.”

No one else had a chance to speak as John Laurens burst from the house.

“SHOTS! Did I hear someone say SHOTS?!”

John then ran over to the drinks table and began to pour vodka into plastic shot glasses. In the meantime, Angelica moved towards Alex and wrapped her arm around his waist. Alex froze on the spot.

“Hey,” she said, smiling. “You made it.” Alex nodded, staring ahead. “And you brought a friend. Cute. Are you ready for your first university shot?”

Alex nodded again.

“Here!” John began handing out shots. Alex took his and looked at the clear drink in the cup. He had never had a shot before in his life. Burr nudged him with his elbow.

“Can you handle this, Hamilton?”

All of a sudden, Alex was back in the room. Everyone’s eyes were on him. He lowered his eyebrows as everyone stood around in a circle.

“Does it look like I’m throwing away my shot?” he hit back, staring Burr down. Raising his hands in defeat, Burr stepped away, laughing.

“To new friends and a new year!” Lafayette called out, lifting his shot in the air. Alex did the same.

“To new friends and a new year!” they all called back. At that, they necked their shots. Alex tried so hard to not show that it burned terribly but he didn’t do very well. He coughed after, throwing the shot glass to the floor, but swiftly John’s arm was around him, holding him steady.

“You okay, Alex?” he said softly into Alex’s ear. It was enough to make him melt then and there on the spot.

“Mmm,” was all Alex could respond with, leaning in towards John. He could have stayed there all night if it wasn’t for Angelica wrapping herself around him from the other side. It was at that point that he decided that he would probably never be anything more than a puddle on the floor.

“That person I wanted you to meet is here, Alex,” she whispered, kissing him on the cheek. “Come with me.”

 

With that, Angelica pulled him away from John’s warmth and took him into the house. This wasn’t, however, before Thomas thrust another beer into his hand and saluted him. Alex managed a swift salute back before disappearing through the back doors and into the kitchen.

“Alex,” Angelica said, brushing his hair out of his eyes, “I want you to meet my sister, Eliza Schuyler.”

Alex turned and found himself face to face with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. Even more so than Angelica, which he hadn’t even deemed possible. She was stunning - a picture of perfection. Her hair and eyes were dark and she could have sucked the soul clean out of his body had he stared at her without blinking a moment longer. She giggled, hand over her mouth.

“So this is Alexander Hamilton?” she asked her sister, pointing casually at Alex. Angelica nodded.

“The very one. A first year, just like you. He’s got fire in him, Liza. I knew that you two just _had_ to meet.”

 

Suddenly, Angelica was gone, leaving Alex and this picture-perfect girl alone together. He was unable to speak but followed her when she took his hand and led him over to the window seat. He sat opposite her and managed to muster a few words.

“So...what are you studying?”

She smiled. “PoliSci, like John. You’ve met John, yes?” Alex could only nod. “And you?”

“English. As a major. But I’m actually doing a PoliSci minor, funnily enough.  I love politics. Can you believe the recent election? What a load of bullshit. I’m very passionate about change and how it can lead to real developments within a culture and a nation but this new president is a joke. I don’t foresee any positive changes to be honest. Can you believe he actually made it into power? What a load of-”

A finger covered his lips.

“Alexander, you really are full of fire, aren’t you?”

He nodded against her finger. “I like to think so.”

She giggled and took her finger away, but not before she ran it down his chin. He swallowed hard and watched her finger as it went, desperate to just take her hand, pull her in and kiss her deeply. He was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol just clawing at his consciousness; he pushed it away as best he could (which wasn’t very effective) and relished in her interest in him.

“Eliza,” he muttered. She leant forward.

“I do agree that this president is making a mockery of our country. I have a friend in England who told me that our country just looks like a joke to the rest of the world.”

“SHOTS!” screamed Hercules from outside.

“Hamilton can’t handle it!” screeched Lafayette.

“I am _not_ throwing away my shot,” Alex breathed. Eliza laughed.


	4. My Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that I've taken up a monumental challenge of getting readers in such a large fandom. But it's all good - I'm just loving writing this to be honest.
> 
> Letting me know what you think in the comments means everything to me though! Xxx

After the next round of shots, the two found themselves on the swing seat in the garden. Alex had been talking with Eliza for twenty minutes when he realised that he might just be in love with her. Not only was she absolutely beautiful, she was also incredibly smart and brilliantly kind; she had expressed that she had tirelessly worked for a children’s charity back home and was planning to find more charity work to do whilst at college. With the music so loud, they’d had to shuffle closer and closer, until they were only centimetres apart, speaking directly into one another’s ears. At one point, Alex lingered slightly as he spoke when he caught the scent of her expensive perfume. She turned, face a breath from his, and tilted her head to the side.

“What do you see for your future, Alexander Hamilton?”

He leaned closer. “Unimportant. There’s a million things I haven’t done yet which will continually change that response.”

He was drunk. Trying to be prolific. Trying to impress a girl. At this point he didn’t care if he sounded like he was trying too hard.

She poured them another drink from the bottle she had beside her. He had no idea what it was but it warmed him from the inside out so he couldn’t complain. When she passed him his cup, their fingers brushed and Alex tingled, not wanting the connection to break.

“I can see why Angelica likes you,” she said, sipping her drink. Her dark eyes fell to the ground in front of them. “She is obsessed with the way people’s minds work.” Eliza shrugged. “It’s why she took Psychology. She loves meeting people who think differently. Who think ahead to their next moments but use their past moments to define their choices. People who have reflections and revelations that lead to revolutions of self and society. I think it’s why she also despises this new presidency. That guy couldn’t reflect on his actions even if they reached through the mirror and punched him in the face.”

Alex snickered and finished his drink, placing the cup on the ground beside him. Eliza did the same and here they were, hands free and staring at one another. All of a sudden, screams of laughter erupted from the house and John bounded through the double doors, running up to them. Without a word, he grabbed both of their hands and pulled them into the living room.

 

*

 

“So we’re gonna play some drinking games y’all, but in the meantime we’re going to be sending some lucky couples off for some 7 Minutes in Heaven!” Hercules clapped his hands and downed his drink. “Are y’all ready?!”

The rest of the room cheered. Alex was just confused.

“7 Minutes in Heaven?” he pondered aloud, nudging Eliza.

“You get seven minutes locked in a closet with someone in this room. You can do what you want with them. No one will know.”

Alex straightened. Well.

Hercules continued. “So we were thinking that it only seems right that we give the first years a taste of what’s to come this year for them. And next year. And the year after. Damn, who am I kidding? To give them a taste of college life. Everyone ends up in a closet with someone whether you’re playing 7 Minutes or not, am I right?”

The group laughed and nodded. Alex was beginning to feel a little out of his depth.

“Alexander Hamilton! You’re up!”

Oh yes. Very out of his depth. A hand on his chest. “Me?” he replied in a small, embarrassingly weak voice. Hercules roared with laughter and Eliza pushed him onto his feet. Alex shakily made his way to the front of the room, aware that all eyes were on him.

“Now, we’ll pass a pot of straws around the room. Longest straw is your date for the next 7 Minutes.”

With huge, round eyes, Alex watched the pot go around. His heart sank when both Eliza and John pulled out small straws. When the others - all with longer straws - gathered to compare, Alex gasped a little when Lafayette whooped and leapt to his side. He snatched his hand, kissed him on the cheek and pulled him across the room and into the closet before Alex even knew what had hit him.

  
The sound of the closing door was something quite intimate. The closet was tiny and required Alex to stand flush against Lafayette who was no longer smiling but essentially staring into his very soul.

“Alexander.”

“...Lafayette.”

“How are you finding your first college party?”

Alex shifted. “A little overwhelming.”

Lafayette leaned in closer.

“ _Oui._ Perhaps I can help you to relax?”

The alcohol was making Alex’s head spin. Not only that, even Lafayette was now making him sweaty. He pulled at his collar. He wanted to smack himself. _Get it together, Alex, you whore. You can’t want to jump everyone._  

Despite this thought process, when Lafayette’s hands found his face and his lips found his mouth, Alex didn’t hold back. He grabbed at the lapels of Lafayette’s suit jacket, wincing a little at the twinge in his wrist, and pulled him in, opening his mouth and allowing their tongues to collide.

“You’re gay?” Alex breathed against his lips, eyes fluttering. He felt the other boy nod.

“Yes...vice president of the LGBT society in fact. _Je suis tr_ _è_ _s homosexuel._ ”

With that, Lafayette disappeared onto his knees. Alex’s breath caught in his throat and he fell back against the closet wall as Lafayette fought with his belt and zipper.

 _“Holy shit_ ,” he muttered, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Lafayette, you don’t have to-”

 _“_ Shut up,” the french boy hissed. “We have only got five minutes.”

“H-h-how did you know I’d be okay w-with this?” Alex stammered as Lafayette yanked down his jeans.

“You’re bi.”

Alex paused. “How do you know that?”

Now it was Lafayette’s turn to stop. He looked up at Alex, rolled his eyes and laughed. Just when Alex thought he was about to say something, Lafayette pulled down his boxers and immediately wrapped his mouth around him.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Alex whimpered, unsure of what to do with his hands until he found Lafayette’s hair and tangled them in it. Whatever Lafayette was doing, it was beyond magnificent. Perhaps it was something french. Alex had been with a couple of people before in his life, and this certainly wasn’t the first time he’d had his dick sucked, but holy hell was it something else with Lafayette.

“Three minutes!” someone called from beyond the door, a clear smile in their voice. This only pushed Lafayette to work harder and faster. Being on the clock was apparently something he enjoyed.  He was going so fast, in fact, that Alex couldn’t keep up. He gripped Lafayette’s hair and begged himself not to scream but it was becoming increasingly harder to stop himself from doing just that.

“Laf...ayette...fuck…” he moaned softly, coming closer and closer to the edge. No one had ever got him off so quickly. “Lafayette, I’m gonna - I’m gonna -” And that was it for Alex. He came and Lafayette just lapped it up, making the most outrageous noises as he did so. Not loud enough for outside to hear, but certainly loud enough to make Alex’s knees buckle and send the English major into a heap on the floor. Now on Lafayette’s level, he took in the smug smirk on his face.

“Are you proud of yourself?” Alex muttered, laughing under his breath.

“Oh sweet Alexander. You have no idea.” Lafayette kissed him firmly on the mouth. He pushed apart Alex’s lips with his tongue, forcing Alex to taste himself. Trembling, Alex gripped the french boy’s lapels once more.

“ _Le temps est écoulé_ ,” Lafayette whispered, pulling himself away. He planted a kiss on the end of Alex’s nose, clambered to his feet and opened the door a fraction. “Time is up. Shall we?”

 

Alex and Lafayette emerged together to uproarious applause but not one other person knew what had happened in that closet. Alex had managed to sort himself out to look like he _hadn’t_ just received the best, fastest blowjob of his life, but Lafayette simply strolled out as though nothing had happened at all.

 

*

 

A half hour later, Alex found himself perched between John and Angelica, cautiously pulling a card out from the ring of fire in the centre of the table. Thomas and Eliza were in the closet together and it was making Alex nervous. John patted his thigh.

“5! New thumb master up in here!” Alex announced, slamming the card down on the table. Next was Lafayette who pulled out a 6.

“Dicks,” he said, eyeing Alex and winking. Alex blushed. To rid himself of bad thoughts about Lafayette, he swiftly placed his thumb on the table. John dashed in, followed by Angelica and Lafayette. Hercules saw and joined in, leaving Burr to drink. Then all the boys drank to settle Lafayette’s card.

“Enjoying yourself, Hamilton?” John asked, laying back and stretching. Alex joined him.

“Perfectly, Laurens. You know, I didn’t think I’d be at a college party yet, let alone having made so many new friends. I’ve never had such a large group of friends before. Just hope I make you all proud.”

“Proud?”

“You know...by being goddamn _best fucking thumb master y’all have ever seen!”_ Alex had had his thumb on the table throughout his and John’s exchange. John gasped and threw his thumb to the table but it was too late. Everyone broke into whoops and cheers as John realised he was last. It turned out that they’d all been waiting for John to realise his position.

“ _Oh_ , so _that’s_ how you want to play it, Alexander?” John snapped, laughing. “Use and abuse my kindness?” He laid a hand on his heart and drank. “You better watch your back.”

“I’m already watching out for Burr so it won’t be hard to keep an eye out for you too, John Laurens.”

Burr sat up. “Hey now.”

 

*

 

“So how did the diary turn out?”

Alex was lying stretched out on the rug beside John and Lafayette. The music had been turned down by this point and many people had left the party. Lafayette was asleep, fully out for the count. Also, it appeared that nothing had happened between Thomas and Eliza in the closet. They had come out giggling and chatting which essentially told Alex all that he needed to know. John rolled over to face Alex.

“I’m still reading it. Feels wrong...overly personal.” John shook his head. “What am I saying, of course it does. It’s the guy’s diary. But he writes a _lot_. And it’s all a bit weird and cryptic. Annoying thing is he doesn’t date anything. Who doesn’t date their diary entries?”

“Why are you doing this for that girl?” Alex’s eyes found the ceiling. “Are you two…?”

John’s eyes widened. “Oh! Oh no no. No. Maria and I haven’t...no. She was in a lot of my classes last year. We got on real well. Turns out she’s had a shitty homelife. Lots of brothers who don’t care too much about her. I guess, when she told me about what happened, I wanted to stand up for her. I confronted Reynolds. May have uh…” John ran a hand through his hair. “...punched him in the face.”

Alex snorted and rolled over to face John. “Good for you.” He yawned, trying to smother it behind his arm. “You’re a nice person.” John chuckled and sat up, yanking a blanket from the couch.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you were James Reynolds. I broke his nose.” It was John’s turn to yawn. Alex chuckled as he closed his eyes and felt John wrap the blanket around the two of them.

“It would be bad form to sleep now wouldn’t it?” Alex mumbled, indulging in the warmth of John beside him.

“Mmm... bad form indeed.”


	5. Shoot Off At The Mouth

It was only when something moved beneath Alexander that he woke up, groggy and with a mouth as dry as a desert. He came to realise that he'd slept with his contact lenses in and now his eyes itched terribly. He went to sit up, desperate for a glass of ice-cold water, but the motion made the world spin and he sank back down, moaning about how life was unfair and cruel.

“Sleeping beside me that bad, huh?” John chortled, rubbing Alex’s back. It was then that Alex realised that the soft pillow he was clutching onto was actually his new, pretty friend John Laurens.

“Mornin’,” Alex grunted, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at pretty friend, John Laurens. “How’d you sleep?”

John covered his eyes with his hand. “My back hates me. My head hates me. My stomach _hates_ me.”

“Mine too. Wait, who is this?” Alex whispered, glancing over his shoulder to find out that it was Thomas Jefferson who had his leg slung over Alex’s hips, snoring away blissfully. John peered over Alex to see Jefferson and giggled.

“Looks like he’s very comfy, Alex. It would be mean to wake him up.”

With a groan, Alex himself laid back down, head resting on John’s chest.

“Sorry. I hope this isn’t too weird. I’m in so much pain and just so comfy and it would be mean to make me move.”

John only huffed a laugh in response. Alex closed his eyes for a while, listening to the sound of John’s heartbeat and finding the steady rise and fall of his chest soothing to his poor head. John was quiet for a long time and eventually Alex looked up to find him staring at the ceiling.

“Are you okay?”

He sighed. “Just thinking about that goddamn diary. I’m banking on finding something that will give James Reynolds what he deserves, rather than just a broken nose from an angry latino boy.”

“And if you don’t?”

Beneath him, John tensed. “I’ll just have to deal with it, I guess. I don’t know if you know, but I try and fight for the little guy as often as I can. I join rallies and show support where support is needed the most. Social injustice makes me sick. This whole immigration ordeal is just…” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly through his nose. “Just diabolical.”

Suddenly, an almighty, ear-splitting crash from the other room caused them all to jolt and scramble. Alex grabbed a plant pot and threw up the contents of his stomach. John cried out and clutched his head, shuddering. Thomas was on his feet, holding his shoe as a weapon with eyes like a wild animal. Lafayette just laid there, hand over his eyes.

 _“_ _Je vais tuer quelqu'un maintenant. Je vais tuer quelqu'un maintenant. J'ai mal à la tête et celui qui a fait ça ... Je vais les tuer maintenant.”_

From the kitchen, Hercules stumbled out with a mouthful of something and clutching a bag of chips. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“ _Sorry_ ,” he whisper-shouted.

“I will kill the fuck out of you.”

“Laf, that’s not how you say it-”

At that moment, Lafayette was on his feet with a face like thunder. Alex continued to throw up in the pot. Hercules shrieked and fled with Lafayette, hot on his heels, cursing him to the nine circles of hell in French.

 

*

 

They had all decided to go out to breakfast to squash their hangovers. Surprisingly, Alex felt much better since throwing up in the plant pot a dozen times. Lafayette sat at the end of the table with his head in his hands beside Eliza who was doing the same. Alex was seated between John and Jefferson, sipping on a large vanilla shake and watching the world pass by out of the window.

“Anyone else feel like death?” John muttered, holding his coffee between his hands like he relied on it to survive. The entire table raised their hands. Hercules had been placed as far away from Lafayette as possible due to the fact that the angry Frenchman had threatened him with literal death in their chase around the house. When all was said and done, Hercules was eventually caught and clobbered with Thomas Jefferson’s right shoe.

 

*

 

It turned out that Lafayette, Hercules and John all lived in a building not too far from where Alex and Thomas lived. That evening, with everyone feeling better, the group found themselves on Alex’s bedroom floor playing ‘What Do You Meme?’.

“This is, without a doubt, the best game I’ve ever played in my life,” Hercules said as he shuffled through the picture cards to find his chosen image for the next round. “There’s shit I haven’t seen in here since I was in middle school.”

“I like these drapes.” Lafayette ran a hand over the burgundy material. “You have excellent taste.” Thomas was positively glowing.

“They’re a bit...extra,” John claimed, sniggering. Thomas frowned. “I really do feel like I’m in some boudoir in France. Is this what home is like for you, Laf?”

Lafayette swung his head around to look at John. “You know it is.” He winked and yawned, looking through his cards.  

“Lafayette is a Marquis in France,” Hercules mentioned, nonchalant. A beat of silence.

“...Excuse me?” Alex blurted. Thomas’ jaw dropped.

The other three boys continued sorting through their cards.

“He’s insta-famous.”

“Eight hundred thousand followers.”

“Sometimes he treats us to spa weekends.”

“Sometimes he posts pictures with us in them and it makes me feel very important.”

“He owns a mansion in Lyon and a penthouse apartment in Paris.”

“They’re in his name.”

“He’s _very_ rich.”

“ _A_ _rrête.”_

“Once we were approached by three girls on campus who flew over here specifically to meet him.”

“Please, stop,” Lafayette begged, placing a hand on John’s knee. “Please. Stop.”

Alex was in a state of shock. He’d gotten head from a _Marquis_ of _France_?

Hercules rolled over and pried open the mini fridge under Thomas’ desk. He pulled out a Diet Coke and remained laying on the floor as he clicked it open, grinning.

“You’re kidding, right?” Thomas gawked at Lafayette. “It’s a joke.”

At breakneck speed, John opened his phone, pulled up Instagram and shoved it under Alex and Thomas’ noses.

“See for yourself.”

It was true. @DeuxMondes had exactly eight hundred and sixteen thousand followers. As the two boys scrolled through, it was clear that each post was carefully edited and executed; it all looked very professional.

“Your real name is Gilbert?”

“Is that where you live in France?”

“Is that _your_ car?”

“He owns a private jet,” Alex stated, prodding a picture on the screen and accidentally liking it. “This guy…” Alex pointed at Lafayette, “...owns a private _jet_.”

There was quite a lot to take in. Lafayette sat there rolling his eyes but when Alex caught his gaze, the younger boy knew he was turning pink. Memories of the closet were all too present at the forefront of his mind.

“You okay, Alex?” Hercules asked, sitting up.

Alex could only nod.

“Alex-”

“-have you got any good music, _mon ami_?” Lafayette interjected helpfully, offering an apologetic smile and taking Alex’s open laptop from the bed. “Let’s see.”

Hercules sat up and peered over Lafayette’s shoulder. “Not bad, Hamilton!” He took a sip of his Coke. “Jay-Z...Tupac...Biggie. Wow, you’ve got taste! I love this!”

“Thanks,” Alex responded, allowing a small smile to creep onto his lips. He went back to his cards.

“What’s that?” asked John, pointing to something on the screen.

 

_This hurricane anthem ain’t no joke_

_It’s cold, and I shoulder the country it broke_

_I hate the goddamn taste and now that I’m humble_

_It’s hard to see the place that you love crumble_

 

_My eyes been stitched_

_God I wish I could fix this_

_It’s a mess_

_And my country can’t kick this_

 

_Take it to one side and crack the ensemble_

_Bonjour l'enfer - does this resemble_

_Fucking_ _enfer sur Terre or whatever_

_We’ll beat this shit and we’ll do it together-_

 

Alex slammed the lid shut mid-song, hand flat on the lid. He remained there a moment, breathing hard. The boys sat round in awe, staring at him with widened eyes and disbelief.

“...Was that _you_?” John asked, mouth hanging open. Alex chewed his lip. “Did you...was that you rapping?”

A moment of silence. “...I....I wrote the rap. That’s um...that’s my rap.” He clutched his laptop to his chest and brought his knees in, wishing he could slowly fade away into nothing. Heat piled into his cheeks. He'd never shared his music with anyone since-

“Alex that was...amazing!”

“You wrote that?”

“Well I’ll be damned.”

John scrambled to his knees. “You’re gonna have to explain this.”

Alex ran a hand through his hair and stood, beginning to pace around the room. “I grew up listening to rap music. I love rap music and I pick up the raps really fast...so I thought, why not write rap? So I did. It’s kind of a hobby, I guess. That was for St. Croix after the hurricane two years ago.” He gestured at his laptop. “It got played on the local radio after I put it on SoundCloud. The late night shows obviously because of the uh… the swearing. The money it raised...I donated it to the relief fund. It wasn’t much but it was nice to contribute. I’m freaking out here, in case you hadn’t noticed, because no one beyond St. Croix has ever heard my stuff and people at school didn’t get it at all and they...they thought I was-”

John was on his feet now and he gripped Alex by the shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes. Alex stared into them, deep and brown, a bit taken aback by the sudden change in proximity.

“Alexander Hamilton, will you calm down? I only asked for an explanation because you just blew me away. That was the fastest rapping I’ve heard anyone I know do and I know Hercules Mulligan.”

“Way better than me, man,” Hercules offered. “That’s saying something.”

Alex fidgeted with the laptop cable. “...You really did like it?”

“My English is not good enough to understand every word when you are going at such a speed, Alexander, but it _sounded_ excellent,” said Lafayette.

“I wanna hear it again!” Hercules boomed. Alex cracked a smile.

“I can rap faster than that.”

Everyone in the room looked to Thomas Jefferson.

“ _What_?”

Thomas shrugged. “It’s impressive, sure. But I can rap faster than that. Better than that. Freestyle, in fact.”

It took Alex a moment to register what Thomas was saying.

“Are you willing to place money on it, Jefferson?” Alex hissed, unexpectedly filled with a sudden confidence. He tossed the laptop onto the bed and stood. Thomas was also soon on his feet, squaring Alex up and smirking.

“Any day of the week, Hamilton.”

 

*

 

When John, Lafayette and Hercules were kicked out by security after complaints had been made about “booming hip hop music at 1am”, Alex fanned himself with the twenty dollars worth of $1 bills he’d made, eyes locked on Thomas who was angrily pulling on his pyjamas.

“I was having an off-night,” was all Thomas could say in defense. In truth, he hadn't done badly. However, Alex made a point of opening his wallet and stuffing the money inside as loudly as he could.

“Perhaps we’ll have another rap battle some day and you’ll make the money back, Jefferson. You just need a lot of practice, that’s all.”

Alex supposed he deserved the gold-stitched pillow that whacked him in the face after flying from across the room.


	6. Eyes on Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a little while since I posted. I love this chapter - please bear in mind that this is the very beginning of the story so the actual plot will come along in the upcoming few chapters. Let's just say that the relationship between John and Alex isn't going to be particularly smooth...

The bright morning light shone through the dormitory window that Monday morning and fell across Alex, who was cosily wrapped up in his sheets and pouring over a textbook. He was scribbling notes in the notepad beside him, nodding his head to the music flowing from his headphones, when there was movement across the room and Thomas emerged from behind the drape looking dishevelled. Alex took a bud from his ear. 

“Good morning, Jefferson.”

“Morning, Hamilton,” Thomas said as he stretched, eyes still half-shut. “You’re very awake and it’s very early and I fundamentally hate that.”

Alex shrugged, looking back at his book. “I’m a morning person.”   
“Are you  _ reading _ ? Good lord, you’re reading at this time? What are you reading?” Thomas padded across the room and opened a drawer, pushing things aside. He tugged out a pair of bright pink boxer shorts which made Alex chuckle to himself before responding.

“Just some books my professor recommended.”

Thomas hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I’ve read like a quarter of  _ one  _ from the list my professor sent over. I’d better get on that soon too.”

“Oh I read all the ones on the list over the summer and emailed my professor to ask if she had anything else to dip into.” Thomas grasped the wall. Alex stiffened as he remembered that other people weren’t quite as... _ eager _ ...as he was. “I just like reading,” he rushed to add, wanting to kick himself. There was a long, dragged out silence that followed. Thomas slowly turned to face him.

“You’ve done  _ all  _ of your reading?”   
“...Mmm.” Alex rubbed at his eyes. Why? What had he been trying to prove by telling Thomas that he’d read everything? In the blink of an eye, Thomas had gone from sleepy to incredibly, scarily awake. His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Were we supposed to do all of the reading that our professors sent us?”

“No, no! I just...I just like reading!”

Thomas began having what appeared to be a mental breakdown come panic attack. “Oh my god, I’ve failed before I’ve even started.”

“Thomas.”

He raked his hands through his hair, beginning to pace. 

“Oh  _ shit _ , this is what my mom warned me about. She said to get ahead of the game but I didn’t listen and I didn’t realise that it meant-”

“ _ Jefferson! _ ” Alex snapped, tossing a different book at the fretful boy opposite him. It smacked Thomas in the torso and he stopped pacing, staring at Alex. “Stop worrying! I’m just a massive book nerd. The list is supposed to be read over the course of the year; you’re supposed to go through each book slowly and alongside the syllabus. I...don’t have the capacity to  _ do  _ that.”   
Sucking in a breath, Thomas finally slumped beside him on his bed. Alex could almost see the stress ebbing away from him. 

“You’re some kind of freak then.”

Alex nodded, blowing into his cheeks. He rolled his eyes and laughed. 

“That’s me,” he agreed, turning the page. “ _ Some kind of freak _ .”

 

*

 

With the first day of college orientation beginning at nine, Alex decided that he would head down to the cafeteria and get something to eat when his stomach rumbled at a quarter past eight. Thomas had resigned himself back under his sheets. Grabbing his phone and keys, Alex shoved them into his pockets and headed towards the door.

“Try not to be too much more of a smartass today, Hamilton,” Thomas shouted after him. “People don’t like a smartass.”

 

Alex threw him the middle finger as he left.

 

The cafeteria was full of delicious options; Alex could barely contain himself when he saw that they were offering waffles and syrup. He knew he was going to have to be very strict with himself and how he used his food points. If he ate waffles with syrup every day, he knew his health was going to steamroll downhill very quickly. He did, however, decide that it was a special day so waffles and syrup would indeed be a great choice. Paired with a coffee and a banana, he packed up his food to eat out on the lawn. As he exited the building, he almost had a heart attack when he slammed into someone, dropped his banana and nearly spilled his coffee all over them. 

“Oh fuck.”

“It’s okay!”

“I am  _ so  _ sorry!”

“Alexander?” 

Alex looked up to meet Eliza’s gaze, the girl from the party. Angelica’s sister. 

“Hey Eliza,” he bumbled, almost dropping everything else, hating himself for turning even redder upon seeing her. She picked up his banana and placed it into his already full arms. 

“Morning,” she replied with a small smile. “Is there a reason you’re rushing about when the sun has barely risen?” 

Alex wished he could plough his head into the dirt. “No...no. I just...I’m really excited about the waffles.” He shook the box, grimacing. “I just...uh...really...I’m really looking forward to...um...eating them. I guess.” As the words fell out of his mouth, he hated himself more and more. 

Nevertheless, Eliza giggled. “Well, if I grab myself breakfast, can I sit with you? Or would you rather be alone with your waffles?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

“Yes! Wait...not that I want to be alone with my waffles! That’s not what I’m saying yes to,” he blurted, over-excited now. “Yes, you can sit with me. Of course you can!” 

“Good. Where will I find you?”

Alex thought about the waffles. His mouth watered. “I’ll wait here.” He promptly sat down on a bench. Eliza frowned. 

“Are you sure? The waffles-”

“I’ll live. Go. Go.”

 

It was only five minutes before Eliza emerged from the cafeteria with her own breakfast and so they both made their way over to a spot below an old oak tree in the middle of the campus lawn. Alex didn’t hold back and speedily ripped open his waffle box and stuffed some into his mouth.

“ _ Oh mah gohd _ ,” he moaned, closing his eyes and leaning against the tree. Eliza laughed. 

“That good, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” He chewed and swallowed, pointing to her food. “What did you get?”

She grinned as she revealed waffles and syrup inside of her own takeaway box. He beamed.

“ _ Yes.  _ You have excellent taste.”

A strange expression - that Alex couldn’t quite understand - crossed her face before she picked up her waffle. 

“It appears I do, Alexander.”

 

*

 

Seeing as they were both first years, Alex and Eliza decided that it was best to learn about their college grounds together on first day orientation. Despite the fact that Alex had read up about the history of the place, he was fascinated to see parts of it he hadn’t been able to during visits prior to his attendance. Eliza seemed hooked on his every word as he whispered over their tour guide, pointing out small facts and areas that the guide didn’t go into detail on. At one point, she took her arm in his and stood close, finally showing more interest in the guide than Alex. He liked it, having her beside him. But it didn’t half make him blush.

“Only seven points for dinner?” Alex groaned when he was reminded of the fact as they stood outside of the cafeteria, the guide explaining how the catered point-system worked. “How am I going to survive?”

“You deal with it,” Eliza replied, patting his belly. “The amount of alcohol you’ll be consuming this year will fatten you up enough. You’ll have enough reserves to see you through, don’t worry.” 

Alex shook his head. “I don’t think you quite understand. I have a very large appetite.” He stopped in his tracks, forcing Eliza to stop too, allowing the tour group to walk slightly ahead. “I’ll just have to steal some of your points.”

“Not how it works!” she laughed, prodding him in the side. “Deal. with. it!” 

 

The tour came to an end at around eleven, leaving them free to wander about the grounds looking into potential societies to join. Instead, they merely walked, not focusing on where they were going.

“What are you looking for, Alex? Besides the waffle society?”

“Hey!” he clapped back, pushing her away lightly. She laughed as she tore into a bag of chips. “That’s not to say if there  _ wasn’t  _ a waffle society I wouldn’t be in on that.” Another giggle. Alex realised that he liked hearing her giggle. “I dunno… I guess I was considering maybe joining the college radio.  I hear the guy who's in charge there is a big deal and commands a lot of respect from the student body. It gives him the ability to bring good changes and a voice to the different communities.” He shrugged. “I've always wanted to make a difference somewhere. This could be my first step towards that.”

Eliza tilted her head to the side, swallowing her mouthful. “That's a lovely idea.” She gazed up at the leaves rustling above them as they walked. “We’re very similar, you and I. It’s what I like about you.”

Alex faltered as he peeled the somewhat bruised banana he'd saved from breakfast. He kept his eyes firmly affixed on the banana but allowed his mouth to creep into a wide smile. He began feeling a little brave. 

“There's a dorm party tomorrow night in my block. You wanna come? The boys are coming and I was planning on inviting Angelica. I'd love for you to be there too. If you can, you know. I’m sure you’re busy and all...”

“Oh! Really?” She stopped in her tracks, almost dropping her bag of potato chips. “That'd be so great!”

Alex beamed and they continued their walk in comfortable silence.

 

*

 

Eliza had needed to head back to her dorm, leaving Alex cross-legged on a bench reading. He’d decided to spend a half hour reading before heading into the square to look into societies. He flicked back to a previous paragraph to fully address the meaning behind the author’s turn of phrase but was unable to succeed since his name rang out across the lawn.

“Alex!” John called, hurrying towards him. He was frowning, not at all like the John Alex had gotten to know. “I'm so glad to see you.”

A warmth pooled in Alex's stomach. John slumped on the bench beside him as Alex tucked his book away. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, deciding to take John's expression a little more seriously. John’s lip trembled minutely as he took a deep breath. Alex noticed.

“So I was going through the diary, right? I'd almost given up cos I was so close to the end of the damned book. But then...then…” John slammed the open diary into Alex's hands and prodded at a section of the second page. “I finally found the evidence that Maria needs to send James to hell where he goddamn belongs.”

 

After Alex saw the disgusting notes that this James asshole had written, the two boys wasted no time in packing up their belongings and scurrying to John’s dorm. It was empty and so they spread out the diary and John's laptop and set to work on bringing the guy down. 

 

They brainstormed the best way to handle the situation, eventually crossing off the idea that they would make James Reynolds do their bidding for the rest of their college careers. Soon they came to realise that their best course of action was to put the issue into the hands of people with more power. Alex was silently horrified upon discovering that if a student had an issue they had to go through the student council, who would decide if the issue was worth taking further. 

“We have to try,” Alex admitted, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. There was a period of quiet.

“We can't do anything until we talk to Maria.” 

 

The idea of telling Maria had hung over them like a rancid stench the entire afternoon. They both knew deep down that she needed to know what Reynolds had written, but the concept of her reading such dreadful, derogatory things was unpalatable. Alex huffed a sigh.

“I hate that you're right.”

At this, John shuffled over on his bed, looking down at Alex on the floor. Their faces were less than half a metre apart and Alex appreciated the opportunity to study the cute Latino boy's face a little more. His freckles were spattered like painted constellations across his cheeks, and as he gazed down at Alex his long ringlets framed his sweet face like a halo. A small smile graced his lips.

“You're a good guy, Alex,” he mused. “You don't even know these people but...you're so eager to help them.” John paused. “I admire that about you.”

The way he smiled at Alex left the young bastard orphan a mere puddle on the floor. He blinked up at him, his mouth slipping into a an ‘o’.

“Thanks, John,” was all he managed, weak and pathetic. “So...so when do you plan on talking to Maria?” he added, swiftly changing the subject. John sat up in bed, stretching massively. The hem of his shirt rode up as he did so, revealing the planes of his stomach to Alex who, in return, bit down hard on his bottom lip and glanced away. 

“It's her birthday today so I think today might be out of the question unless we want to completely ruin it for her. That’d be a great gift. ‘Happy birthday, Maria! Hey, did you know that James Reynold’s wrote about you in the most explicit way in his hellbook?’” John grimaced. “I was supposed to be going to her party tonight but god, to face her after reading that…” His eyes cast over to the diary beside Alex. “I don't know if I can.”

“You're going to have to face her with the actual contents of it one day so don't let it hold you back from seeing your friends.” Alex clambered to his knees. “Plus, when she finds out what you know and that you still went to her party to celebrate with her, she'll appreciate it. I know I would.”

Slowly, John rose from the bed and stood, stretching again. “I guess you're right...but…” He turned, meeting Alex's eyes. “If you come too at least I'm not alone with the information.” His gaze fell to his feet. “Actually I’d like you to come full stop, despite the situation.”

Standing there with his hands behind his back, a blush on his freckled cheeks and his dark eyes large and round, John Laurens was  _ delectable.  _ Alex had to give his heart a pep talk, willing it to calm down. He agreed to go with John, on the condition that John help him choose an outfit because he had no clue what to wear beyond a shirt and some jeans. 

 

*

 

Back in Alex’s room, Alex proceeded on with trying a variety of clothes. Thomas was out so it left them alone which pleased Alex greatly. Knowing and not quite caring that he was being a little forward, Alex ensured he tugged his shirts off where John could absolutely see. He pretended that he wasn't phased by John's presence when, in reality, he was watching John's reactions from the corner of his eye. The pretty boy would turn red constantly and Alex was  _ living  _ for it. The slight shifting that John did each time Alex changed into a new potential ensemble was beyond delightful. 

“How about this?” he asked, spinning round and allowing John to see the entire outfit. 

“I like it, yeah.” John seemed ever so slightly spaced out. He made some effort to snap out of it; at least that was how it looked to Alex. “What about with the black blazer?”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

John's chest rose and fell obviously. “Yeah.”

With that, Alex pulled on the black blazer. He opened his arms. “So?”

John sat up, clasping his hands in his lap. “Now roll up the sleeves.”

Alex did as he was told. John was chewing on his lip. Hard. Another obvious deep breath. “Shit. You look  _ so _ good.” 

Something strange happened then. As soon as the words left his lips, John's face turned from soft and sincere to downright stony. Immediately, he stood and looked away from Alex who was taken aback by the sudden altering of the atmosphere. 

“Anyway, I have some...things to do before tonight...I'll...I'll see you at eight. I'll send you the address. I…” Their eyes met for a millisecond. “...I'll see you later.”

The door slammed. Alex jumped. 

“What the fuck?” he muttered to himself as Thomas walked in. The boy looked stunned. 

“Well  _ he _ left in a hurry. Hope you didn't scare him off with your freaky nerdiness.”

Alex couldn't speak, running the previous five minutes over in his head, trying to wrap his mind around it. Had he said something wrong?

Thomas raised an eyebrow. 

“Nice get-up.” A dawning of realisation. “...Is there a  _ party… _ ?”


	7. Laurens, I Like You a Lot...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I love this story. I have so many ideas and these characters are so interesting to write.

Thomas had been over the moon when Alex had confirmed with John that he could join them. He had bustled about the room, selecting a gaudy magenta jacket and black skinny jeans topped off with an outrageous pair of shoes. Alex admired his confidence and it was his confidence that made his outfit look, honestly, fantastic. His fashion sense was akin to Lafayette’s. _ Perhaps they would make good friends _ , Alex wondered.  

 

They had been sharing a bottle of rum between them over the course of the afternoon and both giggled hysterically when Thomas struggled to lock the dormitory door. He dropped the key twice and twice Alex had to hold onto the wall for support. Tipsily, Alex roped his arm through Thomas’ as they made their way across campus, singing Born This Way together word-for-word. The fresh air seemed to make Alex even more drunk and he and Thomas eventually hit each other with verses from Eminem in a heated battle that ended with them holding each other for support due to uncontrollable laughter. When John appeared from Maria’s building, he raised an eyebrow at the two roommates. Alex buried his head into Thomas’ shoulder to smother  his chuckling. It didn't work particularly well. 

“Looks like you two have had a good evening so far,” he mused, amusement crossing his beautiful face. Alex rolled his head around on his neck to look at him, batting his eyelashes and smirking. 

“All the better for seeing you, John Laurens.”

John's face turned crimson and he seemed at a loss for words. Alex decided to fill the silence with his own. 

“ _ So  _ I’m  _ very  _ keen to meet Miss Maria, dear John. Would you show me the way?” Alex slipped from Thomas’ grasp and grabbed John's hand, squeezing a little. “Come on. Introduce me!”

With that, and ignoring the distant look John now had in his eyes, Alex pulled him inside and lead the way up the stairs towards the heavy thud of the bass. He assumed the party would be around there somewhere. John didn't remove his hand from Alex’s, although his grip loosened the closer they got go the party. When they arrived, John took his hand back and folded his arms across his chest. 

 

The party was filling the entire top-floor hallway. There were around twenty rooms on the floor and banners swung across the ceiling between each one. Most rooms were open, with people spilling between them, and Alex was surprised with the amount of people who could fit in such a tight space. The hallway lights were off, the light source replaced by twinkling fairy lights strung all the way along the walls. The music was loud - almost deafening - and Alex tapped his foot to the beat, wondering where to go first. A cup was placed in his hand by Jefferson (Alex was - surprisingly - very pleased to have Thomas at his side because John was still acting so strangely) and when Alex took a sip he was greeted with the familiar taste of rum and cola. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled, craning his neck to see down the corridor. He spotted Angelica and Eliza, waved, and pushed his way through to them, John and Thomas trailing behind him. 

“I thought you wanted to meet Maria,” John murmured behind him, not with quite enough emphasis to sound like he was pushing for the meeting. Alex shrugged, not turning to face John because really, why should he give him the time of day if he was acting so standoffish? 

“Alex!” Eliza squeaked when he arrived at her side. She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a squeeze, fingers lingering on his shoulders slightly as she let go. The fragrance that drifted from her made her smell like a meadow of flowers and honestly Alex was extremely tempted to spend a lot of time getting to know her aromatic neck with his mouth. His thoughts were cut off quite suddenly by John digging his elbow into Alex’s ribs. Eliza went back to chatting with Angelica and Thomas had simply disappeared into the crowd. Alex span on his heel, glaring up at John who looked...sheepish?

“What was that for?” he snapped, but John - now frowning - pointed down the hallway to a girl in a red dress. Alex’s jaw dropped. She was  _ so  _ hot. Her figure was perfectly formed and her lips, oh  _ god  _ her  _ lips _ -

“Maria.”

Alex instantly regretted every thought that had crossed his mind as memories of that horrendous diary flooded his thoughts. 

“Oh shit,” he whispered under his breath. “And she has no idea?”

John shook his head. “No, and I’d like to keep it that way. Which means no opening your big mouth, Hamilton.”

The words slid out of John’s mouth, hints of venom lacing through. That was enough for Alex, who yanked him into an empty bedroom to their left. 

“You want to explain your issue,  _ Laurens _ ?” he drawled, mocking the boy for referring to him by his surname. “Have I done something to upset you?”

As Alex spoke, his heart sank. He lost the sharp tone to his words and felt his shoulders slump. “I’m so sorry if I’ve upset you.”

John look like a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes turned glassy and he too let his shoulders droop. 

“Oh Alex,” he replied softly, biting his lip. Alex sucked in a breath. John held himself with his arms tightly. “I’ve just got some...personal things going on. I’m sorry, I haven’t meant to let them come between us. I’ve been a dick. I know I have.” John stared at the floor. “Please forgive me. Have a drink with me?” 

The kid looked so despondent that Alex couldn’t help but forgive him. Alex didn’t know John enough to push for more details. Perhaps, if he did, he would pull John over to the bed and sit him down, hold his hand and let him spill his life story. Maybe one day that would be the case.

“Okay,” was all he gave in response.

 

*

 

Alex had, potentially, drunk a bit too much. It wasn’t like he was the only one. The others were also just as bad, with Thomas being the worst. He had thrown up and had been put to bed in someone’s dorm room, a dishpan shoved next to him on the mattress. Alex, Eliza, Angelica, a few of Angelica’s friends and a boy named Samuel were now sitting outside on a bench discussing matters of politics. Samuel fundamentally disagreed with everything Alex stood for and Alex was getting quite agitated. He fought his case for over an hour.

“No, but, there’s a difference between obligation and necessity,” Samuel sighed, nonchalant, rolling his eyes and taking a drag of his cigarette. Alex couldn’t take it any longer and stood abruptly. He wished he hadn’t, because the world span. Angelica stood too, holding him up. She giggled and so did he. Alex noticed Eliza out of the corner of his eye, watching his every movement with huge, round eyes. Between the arguments, however, all Alex could think about was John. They’d parted ways earlier as John had found some other friends, but he still remained distant despite his apology. Alex had been very put out by this and thus had stomped off to spend time with Eliza and Angelica. 

“I’ll be back,” Alex slurred, waving a hand at the group. “Samuel?  It’s been real.” With a click of his tongue and two finger guns pointed at Samuel, Alex whisked himself away to find John and talk some sense into him. He wasn’t going to be pushed to a distance when he personally had done no wrong. 

 

Alex did plan to ‘whisk’ himself away, but instead he rather unflatteringly stumbled up the few flights of stairs to the party floor. The stair railing had been his unfaltering ally, always keeping him from falling or crashing back down the stairs. The hallway was less crowded now and the music was lower, giving everything quite a sultry vibe. Alex sighed when he spotted John standing alone, pouring himself another drink. 

“John?” he managed, gripping onto John’s shirt for dear life. John jumped and spilt his drink all down his front, all the while staring wide-eyed at Alex. 

“ _ Hey _ Alex” he giggled, patting his soaked shirt. All distance had faded, it seemed. “Fancy seeing  _ you  _ here.” 

“Oh my  _ god _ , you’re a mess,” Alex - an equal mess - laughed. “You’re  _ dripping _ .” John only hummed in agreement. “Thomas’ clothes are in his room. Let’s just borrow his shirt! I’m sure he won’t mind. Yep, I’m sure.” 

He slid his hand into John’s and lead him to the dark room where Thomas was sleeping. Alex managed to, after a few minutes of stumbling, locate Thomas’ shirt. Unhelpfully, John remained fully dressed in the centre of the room. 

“Get your shirt off, idiot! We have to get out of here before Thomas wakes up!”

John fumbled with the hem of his own shirt and Alex could have blown a fuse at the boy’s incompetence. They both chuckled to each other at the situation. Alex moved over to John and tugged his shirt off, revealing John’s lean, well-built body that Alex could just about make out in the dim light. Alex swore under his breath, all laughter diminished. 

“Holy shit. You’re... _ oh _ .” 

Alex found himself swallowing hard, hands suddenly desperate to trail across the skin just above waistband of those navy jeans. John simply stood there, eyes wide, staring at Alex like he was now the prey, anticipating the hunter’s next move. 

“Alex…” John muttered, something off in his tone. Alex missed it, too busy failing to hold himself back. Shoulders tense and stomach fluttering, his fingertips brushed John’s stomach lightly. John shuddered, eyes closing. 

“Alex,” John said again, this time more faintly. Alex stepped closer, hands finding comfort on John’s bare hips. 

“John, open your eyes,” Alex whispered, hands now resting on John’s chest. John did as he was told, slowly and with purpose. He gazed down at Alex, faces only centimetres apart now. Alex was finding it hard to breathe. He knew that if he just went onto his tiptoes they would-

“Fuck,” John hissed, seeming to snap out of some kind of daze. He pushed Alex back and stumbled away, almost like Alex was poisonous. Hurt seared through Alex.  “ _ Fuck _ . I...Alex...I  _ can’t _ …I’m not…”

“Oh.” Alex let the word fall from his lips almost silently. Disappointment flooded his veins and turned his blood icy cold, leaving him shivering. John nodded, seemingly to himself, and pulled on the shirt. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let you think-” 

“No it’s okay,” Alex replied as John left the room, Alex’s words trying to catch him as he went. 

 

Alex stood there, numb. John wasn’t....? Then why….? He had so many questions. He turned, going to chase after John because fuck if he was done with that boy. He moved to leave the room but was met by Eliza who came sauntering in. The way she held herself was shy, cheeks dark. 

“Alex,” she said softly, stepping closer. “The way you talked this evening...it was sensational.” 

Closer and closer she came, complimenting him, closing the distance between them. Alex moved to her, but his mind raced after John. They met halfway across the room and she placed her hands on his upper arms. 

“You’re quite something.”

Alex blinked, glancing from her face to the door and back again. He knew he should be very excited about what was happening here but his heart was aching. 

“I’ve never met anyone like you…”

“ _ Eliza- _ ” He wanted to say no. He wanted to step away and find John and work out how he  _ couldn’t  _ want Alex. With those looks, those blushes, those smiles… And he wasn’t…? Alex was having a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that John Laurens was “straight”. 

A warmth against his lips. Eliza’s mouth opened against his and he found himself in the moment, briefly. Her hands came up to his cheeks and pulled him in closer. He responded by wrapping his arms around her waist. She was smaller - softer.  _ She  _ wanted him. But if he closed his eyes…

 

If he closed his eyes and opened his mouth...for a second...it was John wanting him instead. 


	8. Worth More Than Anyone Bargained For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments so far, guys! They're great and keep me writing! 
> 
> xxxxxxx

It wasn't that Alex wasn't overjoyed that Eliza had kissed him. They had shared a passionate five minutes in a random person’s bedroom until Thomas had awoken, cursed at them and promptly fallen back asleep. Alex used this break in the kiss to make his excuses - they were “far too drunk” - and swiftly exited the building with the promise that he would see her the next day.

 

As he trudged back to his room, hands deep in his pockets, guilt and regret clawed at him savagely. Guilty of imaging John as he kissed Eliza, the beautiful, intelligent girl he had fallen for. Regretting ruining his friendship with John when it had only just begun. He knew things would never be the same now. Tears burned in the corners of his eyes at the thought. He wanted  _ John _ . This idiot bisexual boy had only gone and gotten a crush on the gayest straight boy at the college and now he was a  _ wreck. _ And he was so insanely lucky to have had Eliza show such interest in him to the point of  _ kissing _ him yet all he could think about the entire time was John  _ goddamn _ Laurens. Alex sighed deeply and fumbled for his key. It took him a good few minutes of hunting through his jacket pockets before realisation dawned on him; Thomas had locked up for them. He had the key and he was back at the party. Alex swore and rubbed his eyes. His night was just getting better and better. In defeat, he turned, slumped against the door and slid down all the way to the floor. He buried in head into his knees. 

 

“Oh god…Alex? Alexander?”

His name drifted into his subconscious, pulling him from an uncomfortable sleep. His bed was rock hard and cold; an unforgiving breeze made him shiver. He was back in the orphanage after the hurricane, freezing and hungry. In his mind’s eye, he saw little Cassandra’s small, round cheeks red raw with tears. He reached out, desperate to comfort her-

“Alex!” Someone shook him hard. He woke with a start, sitting up abruptly. It slowly became apparent that he had fallen asleep in his hallway. John Laurens, of all people, was kneeling beside him.

“Why are you on the floor?” John asked, sounding genuinely concerned. His hand, on Alex's shoulder, was growing increasingly warm. Before he could respond, a yawn worked its way through Alex but he smothered it in the bend of his elbow. 

“Thomas has the key,” he managed, still half-yawning. “I got all the way here and he was there and...yeah.” He shrugged. What was John doing here? “What time is it?”

John glanced at his phone. “Ten twenty. You must have been there for a while. Comfy?” He huffed a laugh, and a smile - which made his eyes crinkle - blossomed on his face. Once more, Alex was reminded of how John Laurens made him feel. However, the knowledge that he could never have him was keenly prodding at him and so he looked away, sighed and went to stand. John helped him up but honestly, Alex would have rather not been touched.

“Why are you here?” he asked, decidedly bluntly, as he stepped away from John's warmth. He turned, facing John, who really did look sheepish now. 

“Look, last night.” He rubbed the back of his head, obviously feeling awkward. Alex cried inside. John was such an adorable, unavailable dork. “I was too harsh on you. You’re new to college and you’re wanting to experience all these things.” He gestured massively into empty space. “Unfortunately that’s one thing you can’t experience with  _ me _ but...I wish you all the best in those...um...endeavors?”

Well that was just great. Alex was _so_ thrilled that he had been woken up to hear that. He clenched his teeth and took a deep breath in through his nose.

“And you felt the need to find me at ten in the morning to tell me that?” It came out a little more snappy than he’d intended but he rolled with it. John frowned slightly. 

“Alex, I want us to stay friends. I like you a lot and I don't want the confusion of last night to come between us. It was important for me to say that to you face to face. I…” John chewed his lip. “I respect you too much to give you grief over what happened. Are we...can we...be friends? After everything?” 

The anguish that was swaddling Alex melted away. John was such a good person. 

“John, you didn't have to-"

John's hand grabbed his. Squeezed. 

“No. I did.” 

Alex smiled and squeezed back. He looked up to John's eyes which were, alarmingly, shining. Alex’s smile dropped as suddenly as it had appeared. 

“Hey! Hey!” His hands came to rest on John's arms, holding him tightly. “What's wrong?”

John instantly sniffed and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.

“I'm an emotional person!” he said in a rush, sniffing again. He laughed but it wasn't entirely convincing. Alex raised an eyebrow. “I'm just glad we’re okay.”

Alex raised his other eyebrow.

“Oh. Okay. Me too?” Cute John Laurens was acting very odd and Alex was very confused. The signals he was receiving were jumbled and off. John seemed to be having a hard time deciding if he wanted to be closer to Alex or further away; he kept shifting from foot to foot. 

“Hey,” came a gruff voice from behind John. They both peered around to see Thomas, hunched, leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks, Hamilton.”

His magenta jacket hung over his form, his bare chest very much on show beneath it. 

“You slept where, exactly?”

Alex pointed at the floor. Thomas snorted and began to shuffle towards them. 

“Oh, Thomas, I hope you don't mind but I borrowed your shirt,” John announced, producing said shirt. Thomas stopped in his tracks, wide-eyed. “Alex said I could!” he added swiftly, pointing at said boy. 

“God damn it!” Thomas hissed, stalking at them and snatching the shirt. He shook it in Alex’s face. “What did I say about touching my stuff?!”

Alex recoiled and lifted his hands in defeat. Thomas angrily unlocked the door and both Alex and John followed him in. 

“I was drunk! John needed a spare shirt because I made him spill his drink. I'm very sorry.” Alex and John exchanged a look as Thomas stormed about the place. Eventually he span around.  He was very red.

“You!” He pointed a shaking finger. “You damned  _ idiot _ . No more taking my stuff without asking. The shirt is  _ Valentino.” _

_ “It’s Valentino,”  _ John mimicked through the side of his mouth, causing Alex to collapse onto his bed in fits of laughter. Thomas swore and stomped behind the drapes, dragging even more cackles from the two other boys.

_ “Valentino _ ,” Alex chimed, holding his stomach. A gold pillow smacked into his face.

 

*

 

When Alex finally cleaned himself up, sporting a fresh set of clothes, he and John made their way across campus to the society fair. As they crossed the lawn, Alex’s phone pinged. 

“Eliza,” he muttered, reading her message. Flashbacks of the previous night flooded his brain and he was reminded that instead of John, he had kissed - or at least been kissed by - Eliza Schuyler. “Jesus. We made out last night.”

John stopped in his tracks. His face burned red on his cheeks. 

“ _Oh_. Oh? Oh, really? That's great! See, you um...didn't need me after all!” He turned even more beetroot. Alex leaned against a nearby tree, tapping back his response, occasionally glancing at John who was acting super strange. Perhaps he was just an odd person? Alex had to admit that he didn't  _ know  _ the guy. They had only just met. But dang was he a hot mess.

“She wants to meet me for lunch.” Alex looked up. His fingers tapped at the back of his phone case and his lip slid under his teeth. “You're welcome go join us?” 

John’s hands shot up in front of his chest and he laughed nervously, stepping back.

“No no. No.  _ No _ . You know, if you two want to talk, it's probably best if I'm...yeah.” He jerked his thumb towards the dorms. “Y'know? I have some things to do anyway. I'll just...I'll see you round, Alex. Okay?”

With that, he span on his heel and strolled away. Alex stood, dumb, under the tree, staring after him. Another message pinged in his hand.

 

It was two minutes before he looked down at his phone.

 

*

 

“You can have my potato chips,” Eliza offered, waving them at him. Alex smiled and took them, despite not really being hungry at all any more. He hadn't really been that hungry in the first place.

“I meant what I said, Alexander,” she continued, picking up where they'd left off in the canteen. “You're special. Different. In a good way. What I mean to say is - I like you.” Alex fiddled with the packet in his hands. “I was hoping we could maybe go out some time? For a burger or…” She fiddled with the lid of her coffee cup. “...something.”

Alex knew he should say yes. Holding out hope for John Laurens was futile. He would be an imbecile to say no to Eliza. She was everything he looked for in a woman. 

“Of course,” he replied with smile. Carefully, he wrapped his free hand in hers. He swallowed. “I would love to.”

 

And so, hand in hand, they made their way to the buzzing square where hundreds of stalls were set up. They began milling about together, asking questions and taking handouts, but eventually Eliza got sucked into a conversation with a charity worker and Alex excused himself to find the radio stall. It wasn't hard. A stage was set up with what appeared to be DJs on rotation. A set list was taped to the front of the stage and to the stall itself. Alex nodded in approval at the current DJ’s work. It wasn't half bad. It was then that he caught sight of a looming boy, standing tall above the others at the stall. It felt rude to consider him a boy even; a “Man" was the title he deserved. He emitted some kind of energy that drew Alex closer. 

“George Washington?” Alex asked, waving like a fool. He realised what he was doing and quickly ended that. 

“That would be me.”

“Alexander Hamilton!” He quickly thrust his hand into George's and shook it perhaps a little too hard. “I listened to some of your podcasts when someone told me you were quite the voice for change here. I certainly see what he meant. Your comments on the inadequacy of black female enrollment verses white male enrollment here was astounding. I'm actually looking for somewhere I can make a difference and your radio station seemed a perfect fit. I already have tons of great ideas for a show and I've been writing them all down-” As Alex spoke he dove into his bag, hunting for his notebook.

“Woah, hey, hold your horses.” Alex paused and glanced up. Washington had raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Not to burst your bubble, kid, but we don't allow first years to have their own shows.”

Something deflated inside of Alex.

“ _ However _ …” Washington patted Alex on the shoulder. His smile was genuine and warm. “I like your spirit. I was just like you when I was younger. A first year...god that seems like a millennium ago, doesn't it?” He aimed his question at a blonde girl who was standing beside him. She was too busy talking to another freshman to hear him. He visibly shook the thoughts away. “Anyway, what I'm saying is, we take first years on board to keep shop, do admin and organise things. Book guests and plan with other committees for college events. Helps you get a lay of the land for when you get into second year and can apply for a show slot. They're very competitive though, as we have a lot of interest, but those who are the best and have the most heart get the slots. That's just how it goes. Essentially, the more you give to the studio, the more you get back.”

So perhaps first year wouldn't be where Alex made his debut. He supposed he'd been getting ahead of himself that he could just stroll in and make changes for the better. But if he worked hard, he could be the next George Washington. Looking at the radio host, Alex nodded. 

“Absolutely. I understand. I'd love the opportunity to join you nonetheless.”

Washington grinned. “Now remember what I said about being competitive. We have a lot of first years interested.” He picked up a clipboard with a paper full of names and phone numbers. There were at least fifty. Alex grimaced. 

“Don't look so despondent. Most kids just come by, scrawl their name and number and piss off. You've already shown that you care more than them. You have ideas. You're eager. I like that about you.” He handed the clipboard to Alex along with a pen. Alex began to scribble. “We have a little talent show where we choose eight new recruits. It's on the first of next month. Gives you time to organise what you're going to do.”

Alex blinked. “A talent show?”

“Yes. Those with the most talent get chosen. Means you have more to bring to your future show in second year. Most people sing, do comedy...oh did I mention we broadcast it live on air? Should really only be something to do with your voice.”

“Oh wow. Okay.”

“Alex!” Eliza appeared and placed her hand on his back. “All signed up?”

He handed the clipboard back to Washington who winked as he took it. 

“He sure is. I'll see you next month, Alex. We'll text you the details.”

 

*

 

When Eliza pushed him against the same tree they had sat under a few mornings prior and kissed him senseless, Alex almost forgot about John Laurens. He enjoyed how into him Eliza was and relished in every touch and movement of her lips against his. He also liked that she took charge of things because he certainly wasn't mentally prepared to, mainly because he was a monumental asshole. If it wasn't John, he wasn't ready to throw himself at it. It was as Eliza slipped her tongue into his mouth that he decided ‘Fuck John Laurens’. Whatever hold that boy had over him was ridiculous. They barely knew one another, John apparently wasn't into him and it was stupid that Alex was feeling this way after less than a week. Fuck John Laurens. He focused all of his thoughts on the beautiful girl kissing him and whose hands were gripping his hip bones. He groaned. She smiled against his mouth. Perhaps dating Eliza was just what he needed to get over John.

 

‘Fuck John Laurens’ he thought again. 

  
  


*

 

At dinner that evening, Alex smiled to himself as he took in the table full of his new friends. Real, new friends who cared about him already and made him laugh. Angelica and Thomas were arguing over something to do with mayonnaise, Lafayette was scrolling lazily through Instagram with Hercules peering over his shoulder and making comments and quips. Both John and Eliza were having a quiet conversation, giggling on occasion. 

“Are you gonna sit or just ogle at us all evening?” Angelica laughed, tugging at the corner of his shirt. Alex was roused from his reverie and quickly found a seat beside Eliza, opposite John. John's ears turned red when he noticed Alex glance at him. Alex felt a lump form in his throat but it was quickly dissolved when Eliza wrapped her hand in his under the table. 

“John was just telling me about the  _ Valentino _ debacle.” She whispered the word but Thomas’ ears pricked up at the end of the table. He said nothing but shot daggers at Alex. Alex waved sheepishly and turned back to Eliza and John. He took his hand back gently and tucked into his dinner. 

“I spoke to Maria,” John announced. Alex almost choked on his potato. “I had to. It was important. She...she cried a lot.”

“I'm not exactly surprised.”

“It was horrible. I sat there and watched her read the pages of writing about her...about her...you  _ know.  _ And god. I wish I could erase the memory of watching her go through that.”

“What did she say?”

“She said she wanted to take him down. Ruin him. I told her about you. About how you wanted to help. She wants to meet you. Wants the three of us to go to the student council and present the diary.”

Alex placed down his fork. “I would be honoured to help her out. Just let me know a time and a place. In the meantime, perhaps you'll all help me out. I have to come up with some talent show piece so that I can get into the radio.”

Someone banged hard on the table. Everyone jumped and looked to Jefferson, who was on his feet.

“ _ You're  _ applying for the radio?”

Everyone looked to Alex. 

“Uh, yeah?”

“ _ I'm  _ applying for the radio. Oh  _ god  _ and I bet you're going to  _ rap _ .” Thomas sank into his seat and buried his head in his hands. “ _ I  _ was going to rap.”

“What's up with him?” Eliza asked.

John leaned toward her. “Thomas is salty because Alex is a better rapper than him.”

“I was having an off day!” Thomas barked around a mouthful of food. “This is awful news.”

Eliza turned pink. She looked at Alex. “You can rap?”

Hercules let out a laugh. “Can Alexander  _ rap _ ? What a _question_.”

 

The few hours following dinner were quite something. Everyone took turns at rapping in Alex and Thomas’ room, with Eliza proving to be quite the beat boxer. Angelica was fantastic and put Lafayette to shame when they went up against one another. Alex proved that he was worth more than anyone bargained for when he decided to stick two fingers up to his nerves and rap some Big Pun which made everyone go crazy, particularly Hercules. When he finally slumped onto his bean bag chair with Eliza, who pecked him on the cheek and made Angelica go wild, Alex beamed. His eyes found John's, who nodded and smiled a little. He was brought back to the present by Angelica's hand clenching his own.

“Tell me _everything_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you've noticed but Alex isn't very good at not thinking about John when he's kissing Eliza. Goddamnit Alex she's wonderful.


	9. Now You're Making Me Mad

The next few weeks were a blur. Classes began and Alex settled in well, particularly due to all of the reading he had done prior. His professor, whom he had been emailing over the summer, was pleased to meet him in person and commended him for his “dedication to the course”. He had huffed out his chest in pride a little at that. 

 

Things with Eliza were moving along well; he would see her every day and they even had a class together. She was sweet. Alex liked her a lot. They held hands and kissed and cuddled and Alex was quite okay with that being the extent of it for now. She seemed fine about it and didn't ask any questions. Alex didn't know if he had any answers if she did. But, every now and then, he and John would have a moment of catching eyes as the world moved on around them and Alex was made aware that the answer lay in those beautiful brown eyes of his and in the constellation of freckles that dappled his cheeks and nose. Despite his feelings, Alex and John fell into a routine of crossing paths in the library every so often and even established a comfortable study place that always seemed unused by others. John helped Alex select some good quality PoliSci books that Alex hadn't read yet and also helped him to write his first assignment, discussing the college’s regulations on referencing and structure. It was an incredibly simple assignment to get them used to writing in a university style and Alex very much appreciated the help despite knowing everything coming out of John's mouth. Alex, turn up at college unprepared? Absurd. But John didn't need to know that. No, Alex just liked it when John leant over his shoulder and pointed out things on the screen, his voice low and the scent of his aftershave filling the air around him. He always wore the same one, heady and strong but not at all overpowering. It was masculine and it had Alex intoxicated.  _ John  _ had Alex intoxicated.

 

They still all came together at the same time every night like it was some kind of ritual. No matter the day’s events or the schedules, they made time to eat together. This was a good routine to fall into, Alex assumed, as he was fairly certain that at some point during his course he would forget to eat if they didn't have it. Thomas and Alex had found that this was a good time to work on their raps together. Thomas had decided that working with Alex rather than against him was probably going to work more in his favour. Alex had done some more research into the radio too, noting that they had a wide variety of shows and a  _ lot  _ of listeners. It appeared that most of the campus, if not beyond, tuned into the station. The most popular was - of course - Washington, who averaged over a eight hundred listeners on every Friday night show. He also had popular shows on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays. The Friday night show was more music to get people in the mood for a party. The others were more discussion-based amidst excellent song choices. They were hilarious, insightful and often moving. The talent show was set to be during a Sunday night show, the second most popular of Washington’s set. Alex was both excited and terrified of being live on air. What if he crumpled?

 

Alex was also formally introduced to Maria during this time. She was even more stunning up close but even Alex couldn't bring himself to ogle at her. The hurt he saw in her eyes as they discussed the student council meeting (which John had arranged) was sickening and enraged Alex to the point where, at a party, he saw James Reynolds in the flesh and had to be restrained by Hercules. He was ready to throw his first punch at college for what he did to Maria. He was slimy - a real greaseball. There was something attractive about him but it was hidden beneath an ugly personality and bad personal hygiene. Just watching him from afar confirmed to Alex that he was capable of assault. It also made his skin crawl so he tried to avoid looking at him as much as possible. 

 

Regarding his rap, Alex was fairly certain he had something solid that showed off his skills. He had written it with the help of his friends, which made it all the more special. By the time the student council hearing came around, two days before his radio debut, he was confident he had the radio job in the bag. 

“I'm fucking petrified,” Maria said, wringing her wrists. “One of James’ friends sits on the council and I'm just...oh  _ god. _ ”

John laid a hand on her shoulder. “We have it all here. The ways he thought about you, the notes on how he felt after. We will bring him to task. Don't worry.”

Alex chewed on the inside of his cheek. He hadn't really spoken Aaron Burr since that first party and he didn't particularly want to see him again. There was something off about him. Sure, he had seen him around but the looks he had been receiving were not  all that friendly. And now here he was, about to stand before him in the room where it would all happen with him on the other side. Someone poked their head out of the double doors.

“The council will see you now,” she explained. With that, Alex, John and Maria stood and made their way into the room. It was sizeable, with a long table at the back. Behind this sat ten boys and one girl who was tapping away at a laptop at the end. Three chairs sat before them. 

“Well this is ominous,” John whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Alex, who was too busy sizing up the clear leader of the group who was sat beside a steely eyed Burr. He was slender, with long fingers and a graceful stance. His face gave away no emotion, but his eyes watched their every step until they sat, Maria between them. As soon as they did, a twisted smile suddenly settled on his lips. 

“Good afternoon.  My name is George Hanover and I am the chair of this council.” A British accent. Alex was surprised. George looked down at a piece of paper in front of him. “I believe we are gathered together here as you suggest you have evidence that helps Miss. Lewis’ case?”

John stood, stepping forward with the diary and photocopies of the specific entries for each council member.

“Yes. Here, this is it.” He handed out the sheets and gave the diary to George, open on the right page. “This diary has proof that James Reynolds sexually assaulted Maria Lewis on the third of May last school year.”

There was silence for a long while. The council read through the documents and when he was done, George flicked through the diary, pausing at certain parts to study it. Alex watched Burr intently, watched him pour over the photocopy like it was his life's mission. When he looked toward John and Maria, he noticed Maria’s hands were balled into fists in her lap. Carefully, he took one in his own and held it fast. She seemed grateful for the physical support. She squeezed back in return. 

 

Eventually, Burr, George and the boy on George's left spoke in hushed voices. They were so quiet that Alex couldn't make out the words despite straining to hear. 

“You will have to excuse us for a short while. We must retire and discuss our thoughts on the matter.” George's eyes flicked between them.

Alex balked, affronted. “...Excuse me? There's something to discuss?” He let out a short laugh and gestured at the diary. “The evidence is right there under your noses.”

George frowned. Maria clutched Alex’s hand harder. 

“And who are you?”

Burr smirked. Alex sniffed.

“My name is Alexander Hamilton.”

“And you have what reason for being here? Are you a close personal friend? A relative? Because if I'm not mistaken, you're neither of those things. You're a first year, correct? Why are you  _ here _ ?”

Alex wiped his nose with his thumb, his own smirk on his lips now. 

“To be quite honest, getting a ticket to this circus was just too good an opportunity to pass up. I've not heard the best things about this council and wanted to make a judgement call for myself. Yet I can see already that even with sufficient evidence you can't come to a unanimous decision. Is this some kind of game to you? Playing the room for a feeling of power?”

George's nostrils were flaring now. He was red in the face and Burr was clenching his jaw. 

“You want to bite that tongue of yours, Mr. Hamilton,” George snapped. “Playing the room?  _ Please _ . There's as much evidence in this book of sexual assault as there is of your intellect in this meeting.” He tossed the closed diary on the desk before him and rose to his feet. He placed a finger on the book’s cover. “At not one point does it state the event you previously came to us about, Miss. Lewis. This is merely the fantasies of a young, horny teenager laid bare and that is all it is. It even says ‘J.R.’ on the inside cover.” He sneered. “There are  _ plenty  _ of J.R.s enrolled at  _ this _ institution.”

“Are you serious?” John, shaking with rage, was now also standing. Maria let out a sob and sank into her chair as Alex joined John on his feet. John stepped forward. 

“It says that the ‘experience was one to be treasured, to be savoured for many nights to come’!”

George shrugged. “What ‘experience’? It doesn't say what experience it was. Very vague actually. A dream perhaps? Seeing Miss. Lewis cross the college lawn? Pipe down.”

Alex had really had quite enough. He stalked forwards and threw open the diary. He jabbed a finger at the page. The words that were etched into his brain fell from his lips, tasting like dirt. He glared into George's narrowed, cold eyes.

“‘The feel of her tight cunt will keep me satiated for months. Her noises were just delectable. A real treat for the soul.’ Oh yeah, a dream huh? In what dream do you feel and hear?”

He and George were only a table apart and he could almost feel the piercing stare aimed at him. Suddenly, a malicious smile curled onto the chairman's mouth. He tucked his hands behind his back and straightened himself. The image sent a shudder down Alex's spine.

“Are you aware that Miss. Lewis and Mr. Reynolds used to be in a relationship, Mr. Hamilton? And that when they ended their relations, Mr. Reynold’s slandered Miss. Lewis all over social media?” George began a slow walk around the table. “Dear me,  _ everyone _ was talking about it. The college bombshell Maria Lewis cheating and lying and _whoring_ herself out?”

“None of that was true!” Maria wept, falling into John's arms. 

“I didn't  _ say _ it was true,” George said, turning around the end of the table, now facing Alex. He walked forwards. “But to be a socialite defamed for all to see...that must have been difficult to swallow.”

Realisation of what he was suggesting dawned on Alex. 

“And you think she's made all this up just to try and get him back,” Alex said, almost to himself. 

George clapped his hands. “And then  _ you,  _ with your big mouth and big head, come waltzing onto the scene and perhaps suggest an idea of writing a diary so that you can have “evidence" of this crime.”

George was right in front of him now, so close it was uncomfortable.

“How  _ dare _ you-”

“ _ You _ knew the words off by heart, Mr. Hamilton,” George whispered in his ear. “Didn't have to even look at the book. Either you wrote it or you're some sick  _ fuck _ who can't get enough of this bitch either.”

It took everything in Alex not to punch him. Instead, he stood his ground. 

“You shouldn't be in charge of the student council,” he hit back. “You won't get away with treating us like this. You won't get away with treating  _ her  _ like this.”

George stepped back, laughed and folded his arms. 

“And who are you going to run to, little lamb? Because to get to the Dean with an issue, you have to go through the student council and...oh! What a problematic situation for you.We can always set up a meeting for you to voice your concerns?” He laughed and turned to Maria. “My love, we cannot help you. There just isn't enough evidence to support your claims.” He mocked sincerity, a hand on his heart. It dropped as quickly as it had been placed there, and he turned to his council. “This council meeting is over. Deyna, did you get all of that?” The girl at the end of the table smirked. 

“Oh yeah. Of  _course._ _ Every  _ word.”

George clapped his hands together once more and squeaked. “Well that's that! Mind the door on your way out!”

“You fucking  _ asshole _ ,” John hissed. 

‘Ah ah ah.” George waggled a finger, tutting. “It's all written  _ down _ , Mr. Laurens. Or didn't I make that clear enough?” He pointed to Deyna who waved, an abhorrent grin on her face. “Don't forget your diary!”

Alex snatched it, grabbed Maria by the hand and dragged her out of that awful room. They made it all the way to the benches outside before Maria collapsed into John and broke down into heavy, heartbreaking sobs.

 

*

 

“I'm gonna  _ fucking _ kill him.” 

An hour had passed since the meeting. They had taken Maria back to her dorm and explained everything to her friends. They too couldn't believe their ears and took the job of caring for the poor girl from John and Alex. Now the two boys were in John's room with Lafayette and Hercules sat on Lafayette’s bed, eyes wide. Alex was pacing whilst John was staring at the ceiling, his back propped against his own bed. 

“I can't believe this,” Hercules muttered, shaking his head. “Did you get all that, Laf?”

Lafayette pursed his lips. “Yes,” he replied softly. “Sadly, I believe I did.”

Alex was so angry he was ready to punch something. How could  _ that _ be the student council of such an esteemed university? How could  _ George Hanover _ represent the student voice and help the progression of the school? 

“Is there nothing to be done?” Lafayette asked. “Certainly this is not accepted.”

“Acceptable.”

“ _ Merci _ , Hercules.”

Alex's hair was out of its tie and he ran his hands through it, tugging at the roots a little to help soothe his rage.

“Someone has to take a stand against them,” John murmured, blinking but not tearing his eyes from the blank canvas above him. “Someone has to. They can't...They  _ can't _ be the voice for us.”

Something clicked at the back of Alex's mind. The  _ voice _ …

“But they're not the voice...” he said quietly, stopping in his tracks. 

“Hmm?” John looked to him. “What?”

Alex shook his head, ideas beginning to tick away in his brain. A small, knowing smile worked its way onto his lips. 

“I have so much work to do,” was all he left them with as he grabbed his jacket and sped back to his room.


	10. Let It Be

Alex locked himself away, only leaving to go to class the next day and to pick up some snacks to keep him going. He sat at his desk and wrote and wrote, desperate to finish what he had started. It  _ had _ to be perfect.

 

When Thomas came and peered over his shoulder, he shooed him, telling him to wait and see. Thomas clearly didn't like being kept out of the loop and he certainly didn't like being made to wait. He would walk around the room yapping whilst Alex worked the paper with his pencil, coercing it to give him the words he desired. 

“You know, nothing can be  _ that _ important,” Thomas grunted eventually, walking out of the bathroom. Alex waved a hand but gave no more of a response. When he didn’t turn up to dinner with the gang that Friday night, Eliza appeared and sat on his bed, watching him work. She didn't ask what it was he was doing, but instead offered her assistance.

“No, this has got to come from me. It's...you'll understand soon.”

To this she simply nodded and laid back on his bed, playing on her phone. Time passed and Alex enjoyed their little set up. It was calm and comfortable. Eventually he put the pen down and slid the paper into his drawer. He hadn't even realised the time: It was eleven at night. Glancing to his left, he found Eliza was asleep on his bed. Thomas was snoring on the other side of the room. Alex laughed to himself.  _What a hypocrite._

He would return to his work in the morning. He knew he could work all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday; this particular knowledge gifted him the option to sleep. Gently, he moved the comforter down the bed, careful not to wake Eliza. He turned off the desk lamp and the room was plunged into darkness. He then stripped down to his boxers, leaving his t-shirt on, and clambered in beside her. Pulling the comforter over them, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the nose. She didn't even stir. He smiled, closed his eyes and slept, ideas and words swimming into even his dreams.

 

*

 

Alex awoke with a start. His shirt was hitched up and Eliza was kissing her way down his stomach. He stifled a gasp into the back of his hand and his eyes darted to the other side of the room. Thomas was still snoring. It was barely light outside, suggesting it was around four or five in the morning. 

“Eliza, what are you doing?” he asked through gritted teeth, despite knowing perfectly well what she was doing. She didn't reply with words but instead by kissing him through the material of his boxers. He groaned and swore, wincing at how loud he was. He had never been one to stay quiet during intimate moments, so this was going to be tough. With Thomas as his roommate, he dreaded to think what he would say (or do) if he caught them in the act. Thoughts of this quickly drifted away, however. Eliza's mouth felt goddamn heavenly and she was so slow and careful in every movement that it drove Alex crazy. It was very different from the speedy, secret quickie he had received from Lafayette in that closet. 

Alex bit back moans and whimpers when Eliza finally got to work on his dick, using her mouth in wondrous ways that made him see stars. She kept at it until he shuddered and came in her mouth, almost crying out but only letting out a loud gasp. Thomas shifted on the other side of the room but said nothing, so Alex assumed he was still asleep. 

“Wow,” he said, pathetic, when Eliza crawled up beside him and kissed him on the cheek. “That was incredible.”

“I've never done that before,” she replied almost silently. 

Alex paused. “I'm sorry, what?”

She shrugged. “That was my first.”

Alex blinked. “Eliza, are you a virgin?”

Eliza let out a small giggle. “No, I'm not a _virgin_. I just haven't...done  _ that.  _ To be honest I'm just glad you enjoyed it.” He felt her shrug. "It wasn't too bad for me either."

He laughed, kissing her on the nose once again. She kissed him quick and placed her head on his chest, snuggling close. 

Alex smiled until he remembered that he had imagined John quite a few times during it all. That pretty mouth around his-. His smile dropped. He bit his lip. He shook the thoughts away and kissed Eliza on the top of her head.

 

He was a  _ terrible _ person. 

 

*

 

Alex worked for most of the day Saturday and through Sunday morning. By the time he was done, there were only a few hours until the show aired. He had been sent all of the information for when to arrive and, as time ticked on, he was getting more and more jittery. He didn't let anyone see what he had produced; they would all have to wait. Rewriting the entire thing from scratch all on his own had been tough but it was so important and prominent in his mind that the words had come to him quite naturally. It had transformed into a song, intertwined with rap, showcasing two of his talents rather than just one, which was an added bonus. 

He opened his phone and sent a message to the group:

 

A.Ham: Remember to listen in to the show tonight! 6pm!

 

He got messages of encouragement and enthusiasm back and even Thomas glanced up from his own phone to give him the thumbs up. 

“Nervous?” he asked, stretching out on his bed. 

Alex could only nod. 

Nervous was a word for it. 

 

*

 

“You could have been anywhere in the world tonight but instead you're here with us! Hope you're all doing good this fine evening, folks.”

Washington was so at ease with the mic. Alex watched him speak in awe and wonder. His studio partner - Martha - smiled at Washington from across the table and made some small talk, discussing the week’s events and some upcoming things for the student body to look forward to. Alex looked to his right. About thirty other kids were waiting for their chance, just like him. He assumed that none of them had prepared anything quite like  _ him _ though.

“We’re getting ahead of ourselves,” Washington chuckled, looking over to them all. “Tonight's show is dedicated to our amazing first years who are hoping for an opportunity to join our motley crew! We've got an entire two hour special for you all to enjoy.”

After some more chit chat, the first applicant took to the mic stand. They introduced themselves and performed some interesting and partially funny comedy. And that was how it went. Thirteen applicants came before Alex, including Thomas who did rather well at his rap. Alex smiled weakly at him as he walked up to the microphone and swallowed hard. He stared at it, then at Martha and then to Washington who was focusing intently on him, his chin propped against his hand. He nodded, as though giving Alex permission to speak to his audience. Alex lifted the large headphones and placed them over his ears.

“I'm...Alex Hamilton.” He cleared his throat. Stood up straight. Now was not a time for nerves. Now was a time for  _ justice. “ _ And I have something I'd like to say.”

 

And so he let it rip. His song tore into the student council like a rabid dog going at a piece of rotten meat. Each burn he dropped had the room gasping and clapping and he picked up their energy, using it as fuel to power him through. He rhymed and dined on the response he was getting. He told Maria’s story by keeping her name from his lips and lashed out at George Hanover without once referring to him by name. Yet, for those in the know, it wasn't hard to guess who it was about. He spied Thomas, jaw hanging open. Alex closed his eyes and continued, letting the world beyond the mic drain away. Eventually he opened them again as Washington was taking off his own headphones and rising from his seat. Alex couldn't give up now. Even if he lost his shot at the radio, at least the college would hear about the terrible state their student council was in. At least Maria would have had some kind of closure. At least George Hanover wouldn't get the final word. Alex spat his final lyrics and moved away from the mic. He took off the headphones. The room had fallen to silence. 

A song came over the sound system and Washington strode over. Alex winced.

“Hamilton! My Sunday show isn't for your damn school politics. You've abused the position we have allowed you to have by taking part. What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Drawing courage, Alex looked him dead in the eye. “I have nothing to be sorry for.”

“You know this is going to have repercussions, don't you?” The DJ shook his head. “The council won't stand for it.”

“Let them try and take a bite out of me,” Alex hissed back. “It was  _ so _ important that people heard that!”

Washington inhaled deeply.  “You think that Hanover will let you get away with this unscathed? He will  _ kill _ you.”

“This song has forty seconds left, George,” Martha said anxiously looking between them and her computer. 

He placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Go home. Watch your back. We'll talk again soon.”

Alex went to argue, wanting to beg him to allow him to stay, but Washington hushed him as he walked back over to the mic.

“Well well, isn't it eye-opening to see the passion in these first years?” An awkward laugh. “Keen and full of something to say - I hope they apply it to their studies too!”

 

Alex left, Thomas peering after him. 

 

*

 

He slammed the door to his room, making something on Thomas’ side shudder and drop to the floor with a soft  _ thud. _ At that moment he didn't care what it was. Had he just ruined his entire college career? Had he made a gigantic error? No, he had been right to do that. He had stood up for what he believed in. Wasn't that better than sitting back and waiting for someone else to take a stand? He fought with his thoughts awhile, laying on his bed and staring up at the paint-dappled ceiling above him. His fingers drummed on his chest. Finally, a soft knocking at the door interrupted his swirling mind.

“Come in.”

A creak. “Alex?”

It was John. To be frank, Alex had been mostly assuming it would be Eliza. He pushed himself onto his elbows. 

“John. Hey.”

John closed the door behind him and leant against it, staring at Alex in what appeared to be disbelief. 

“You really did that.”

“Yep.”

“They're going to kill you.”

“I'm well aware.”

“Holy  _ shit. _ ”

Alex chuckled weakly and flopped back down onto his sheets, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Did I make a huge mistake?”

There was quiet for a while. Eventually, a movement on the bed told him that John had sat by his side. 

“Absolutely not. At least, not for the sake of others. You  _ fucked  _ those pricks in the  _ ass _ tonight. It was the least they deserve. Maria called me, begging me to thank you for what you said, by the way. You really made us all proud.”

Alex prised open one eyelid. He found John, smiling down at him. 

“I'm gonna pay for it though.”

“A hundred percent.”

“They're going to make my life a living hell.”

“No doubt.”

“George Hanover is gonna fuck  _ my  _ ass.”

A short laugh. “I sincerely hope not.”

Alex laughed too and opened both eyes, gazing up at John. Suddenly, John's hand grabbed his and squeezed it. 

“You made _me_ proud, Alex.”

Alex’s heart was pounding again. He closed his eyes, wishing John away to perhaps the other side of the room, but  _ John _ had brought this closeness upon them.  _ John  _ was holding his hand and rubbing his thumb across the back of it now. Carefully he removed his hand from John's and sat up, hating the loss of contact. They were now at eye-level and somehow that made everything much worse. Alex hated himself when his eyes flickered to John's parted lips and then away to the carpet.

 

John, now somewhat sensing the awkward nature of the situation, stood and moved to look at the pictures on his wall. His fingers traced the photograph of his mother. 

“She’s beautiful,” he breathed, smiling.

“She was,” Alex agreed. “Died when I was 12. Dad abandoned us before that.” John blinked. “Always get asked. Best to get the answer out there as quickly and as simply as possible.”

“Alex-"

“No. It's fine. Really, I am fully over it.”

“No one is ever fully over that.”

“Yeah. Well. Look-"

He was cut off by John's arms around his shoulders. He froze for a moment before softly patting the boy's back.

“I want to hear all about her, if you ever want to talk.”

“You...do?”

John nodded, pulling back but leaving his hands on Alex's shoulders. He was slightly taller than Alex, able to look down at him, and for a split second Alex felt incredibly small stood there thinking about his mom. She'd have been so proud of what he had done today. She had always, always told him to speak his mind and fight for his beliefs. Something twinged inside of him and he found himself fending off tears. He hadn't cried about his mother in forever; what was happening?

“You want to talk about it now?” John asked, his voice only slightly above a whisper. Alex could only nod his head. At this, John tugged him down onto his bed, pulled the comforter over them and laid beside him. Alex was lost in a whirl of memories, regret, grief and denial. Some of which concerned not only his mother but John, who was here. Lying beside him. Smelling like John. It was when John began stroking the back of his hand that Alex was brought back to the present, very aware of reality. His mother was dead. John was unavailable. Scratch that,  _ he  _ was unavailable. Wasn't Eliza like, his girlfriend? 

 

And so, to brush away those thoughts, Alex began his story, long as it was. John laid there listening intently. He spoke for around half an hour, with John interjecting occasionally with careful questions. He had so much more to say, but there was a loud banging on the door that spooked them both. The two boys scrambled to get into a less vulnerable position but the door flew open as Alex and John both got caught in Alex's sheets. 

“Eliza!” Alex laughed, hating every fibre of himself for what this looked like. She stood there in the doorway, eyes wide and hands on hips. “We were just talking.”

She was quiet for a moment. She didn't step closer or close the door. 

“Funny. I sent you a dozen messages and called a dozen times after that radio performance. Thought you may want to talk about it. Seems you've already found someone to talk to.”

John was off the bed now, standing against the wall with the pictures. Alex too was on his feet, making his way towards her.

“My phone was on silent, I'm so sorry. John turned up and we got to talking about some heavy stuff. I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone.”

Eliza chewed the inside of her cheek. She took a breath. “Hey. Look. I shouldn't have stormed in. You just...made a very big decision tonight. It was crazy brave and also crazy stupid. I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

He tilted his head to the side and took her in. She was so beautiful and perfect. He was insanely lucky. 

“Oh Eliza.” He wrapped his arms around her.

“Why don't we all go and grab a hot chocolate or something?” she said, gesturing at John when she and Alex broke apart. “I think there's quite a lot to discuss about this boy and his big mouth.”

“Excuse me-"

John pushed past him. “I  _ told  _ him he had a big mouth and that it would get him into trouble but would he listen to me?  _ No _ sir.” 

John linked arms with Eliza and they began a slow walk down the hall, gossiping and peering over their shoulders just to giggle at Alex. 


	11. Wait for It

A few days passed and nothing regarding the radio performance reared its ugly head. Alex didn't hear from Washington, nor did a single person from the student council confront him. It was oddly quiet. He attended classes and the library, doing his work and meeting with friends. He wondered if he had gotten away with it all, perhaps.

 

The Thursday following the show, Alex found himself curled up in the library beside John (because that was just the way things were now), rereading a book about how Shakespeare's rhetoric reflected the ideals and morals of his times and society. They weren't even looking into Shakespeare until the following semester, but he had already read all of the books for the semester he was currently taking so just _had_ to delve into the next topic.

 

Whilst Alex was snuggled into a large beanbag, John was typing away on his laptop at a nearby desk. He had his headphones in and was tapping along to the rhythm of whatever it was he was listening to. Alex's gaze often flickered to his mouth, which mouthed the lyrics to the song. Sometimes, a little smile would creep onto his lips. Alex smiled too, every time. Alex read for a while longer before stretching and tugging his iPad from his bag. He yawned, noticing an email notification added to his already horrifically high number of unread emails. At least, that’s what Thomas had said when he'd looked over Alex's shoulder a few nights before. Flicking the email app open, it took him a few seconds to register what he was reading.

 

_Dear Mr. Hamilton,_

_I hope this email finds you in good health._

_Following the events of Sunday night during Mr. Washington's radio broadcast, I would like to have a conversation with you in my office this Friday at 2pm. I have checked your schedule and am sure you will be able to attend._

_Please let me know if this is not possible, otherwise I will see you at 2pm Friday._

_Regards,_

_Dr. J. Madison_

 

Alex let out a small shout of shock and tossed his iPad onto the floor. John removed his headphones.

“Are you okay…?”

Alex knew the colour had drained from his face.

“The Dean wants to see me.”

John recoiled back slightly in surprise. “The Dean? Wants to see _you?”_

Alex could only nod as he stared wide eyed at his iPad on the floor.

“What does he want to see you about?”

“...My performance.”

 

*

 

That Friday, Alex sat outside the Dean's office feeling like a naughty school child. His knees were clamped together along with his ankles, and his hands rested together in his lap. It was five to two. The sound of someone making their way down the hallway made him turn his head and then sink into himself like some threatened tortoise.

“Ah, Mr. Hamilton I presume?” said the Dean, offering his hand. Alex stood, back straight like a board, and shook it, shaking in his boots as he did so.

“Yes. Sir. I am.”

Madison waved him into his office and Alex scuttled in, allowing the Dean to close the door behind him.

“Have a seat, Alexander.”

There was a solitary chair stationed in front of the enormous mahogany desk that Alex took was for him. The green leather on the seat squeaked as he sat and there was a hint of old wood and cigarette smoke in the air. It was a magnificent room. Alex could almost see the history of the place seeping like sap from the panelled walls. He was brought back to focus when Madison cleared his throat. He was now seated opposite, his hands clasped on the great desk Alex so admired.

“An English major of great renown,” Madison began. “I've heard fantastic things about you from your professors after speaking with them this week. I also heard how your writings encouraged your community to get you to America. You have a gift, it's clear to see, Mr. Hamilton. It doesn't take knowledge of rocket science to envisage that you'll one day make a significant mark on this world.”

Alex swallowed. He felt his cheeks burn. “Thank you, sir.”

Madison sat back in his chair. It creaked. Alex shifted.

“There are times when taking a stand can get you into a lot of trouble. Martin Luther King took a stand and it got him shot. Mandela lost twenty long years of his life for saying ‘I won't stand for that.’ The weight of holding up others, fighting for their rights and making a mark on this world can make _you_ sink and get buried beneath the dirt. That is the sacrifice that these powerful figures make to better the lives of those they deem worthy of a just existence.”

“Mr. Hamilton, you must be aware that your actions on Sunday night did not go unnoticed by the council. I've been keeping Mr. Hanover at bay; you might be grateful - he's not one to be trifled with.”

“I noticed,” Alex replied, casting his mind back to the day he met George. It wasn't exactly his fondest memory.

“A surprising twist for our college, to be honest.” The older man rubbed his beard. “First years usually keep themselves to themselves. But you…” A finger was shaken in his direction. “You made quite the ruckus.”

Alex wanted to ask him if he had a point. This long-winded whatever-it-was was making him clutch hard at the arms of his seat. He wanted to know what his punishment was. Madison went on.

“I received a vast number of emails from professors and students alike after Sunday night. It seems your concern with the council is not isolated. People were simply too worried to come forward about their run-ins with them or they were too busy to find the right time. But you opened a door for them.” Madison stood and began to walk the room, hands clasped behind his back. “Granted, the reason I have a student council is to avoid a mountain of emails regarding things that could be easily dealt with by students, but this has forced me to remember that it only works if the students I employ truly have the student body's best interests at heart. Not because they want a seat above everyone else. I haven't reviewed the council in far too long.” Madison came to a halt beside Alex who couldn't quite comprehend what he was hearing. Was Madison being...positive?

 

A hand came to rest on his shoulder.

“It appears that your radio broadcast caused even _me_ to reflect on my own actions. I am indebted to you,  Mr. Hamilton. Thanks to you, the student council will be disassembled and reformed and I will personally select the students who are worthy of the positions. Thanks to you, the students here will once more have people who care about their views and want to help.”

“Sir, I don't know what to say-"

Madison chuckled and moved back behind his desk.

“Don't fret, son. It's alright. You did something _good_ that evoked _change._ I've spoken to Mr. Washington, he understands the situation and will discuss my plans for the council on air when the time is right. As for Mr. Hanover, I have given strict orders to him that neither he nor any other ex-student council member is allowed to retaliate. There will be severe punishment  for those that do.”

“This is all quite overwhelming-"

“Yes, yes. It was just important for me to ensure you that wrongs are being righted and rightly so. I didn't want you to feel wrongly about what you did. _However_ .” Madison cleared his throat. “Perhaps next time you can warn Mr. Washington _before_ you decide to throw a spanner into the inner workings of his esteemed show?”

Alex found himself blushing harder than ever and he let out an awkward laugh.

“Of course...Thank you, sir.”

 

With that, Madison ushered Alex out of his office, telling him to try to stay out of mischief.

 

*

 

“Wow.”

 

John, across the table, ran a hand through his hair. Alex had to take a breath. He hated when John did that. With that look on his face. “They really fired them all?” Alex nodded. “Well shit.”

“I'm honestly fucking shocked that no one has fucking shot you yet,” drawled Thomas, face like a slapped ass, stirring his coffee.

“Oh shut up Thomas,” Angelica hissed, prodding him in his ribs. She turned to Alex. “He's right though, Alex. Aaron is _fuming_. I overheard him talking with his friends earlier about how you've ruined his life.”

John snorted. “Perhaps he should learn to be less of a dick. Maybe then he wouldn't get brought to task by our good friend, Alexander.”

John looked him in the eyes and smiled, freckled cheeks tinged with pink. His hand found Alex’s and squeezed it briefly before letting go. It took Alex's breath away. For someone who was adamant that he wasn’t into him, John was exceptionally good at being intimate. Eliza’s hand was now on his back, rubbing it affectionately. Alex quickly leaned into it - the affection he was _supposed_ to be leaning into.

“You did the right thing,” she murmured as everyone turned back to their own conversations. Her fingers trailed across the back of his neck and he shuddered. Her lips were only centimetres from his ear as she spoke. “This whole situation has really turned me on.”

 

Now, Alex had been solidly avoiding having sex with Eliza. He felt terrible enough after she sucked him off and he imagined John’s mouth instead. He couldn't bear the thought of taking their relationship to the next level when his head was just full of John Laurens and not her. He knew, he _knew_ he was being unfair enough to her by just being in a relationship with her. He fancied her, sure. She was beautiful. Smart. Kind. But not...not what he _wanted_ . He _wanted_ to drag John Laurens into his room, push him up against the wall and kiss the breath out of him. He _wanted_ to pin John Laurens to his bed sheets and spread his legs, crawl between them and see how far down those pretty little freckles went.

 

“Alex,” Eliza breathed, forcing Alex out of his own stupid thoughts. Swallowing hard, he stood, embarrassed and ashamed.

“I'm sorry...I'm….not feeling well. I've got to go.”

In an instant, he was out of the building, one hand clutching a bench and the other clutching his chest. He felt sick and empty. He had to end this with Eliza _now._ But what excuse did he have? _Oh sorry Eliza, I simply can't have sex with you because all I'll do is close my eyes and imagine John instead._ That would go down like a sack of shit. If he broke up with Eliza, he would ruin their friendship group too. So, essentially, he couldn't break up with her. He _hated_ the situation he was in.

“Alex? Are you alright?”

The voice from behind him was the last he wanted to hear.

“I'm fine, John,” he replied through gritted teeth.

“I was just headed back to my room, do you want to come back and lie down?” A hand on his back.” It's way closer than your room-"

“Oh and what then?” Alex span and glared at the stupid, stupid boy in front of him who stumbled away. “You gonna stroke my hair and hold my hand again? Tell me I'll feel better soon? Maybe blush a little and-”

“-Alex-"

“No, really, what then? Hmm?” He squared off with John, only centimetres away from him. He knew that this anger was all on him, but right at this moment, he couldn't even think straight. John stood his ground, frowning.

“Alexander, you're being ridiculous.”

Alex bristled. “Oh am I? Well maybe stop being so touchy-feely with me. It's not fair.”

“What's not fair?” John hit back, now red in the face. “You're with Eliza! And I'm an intimate person, I can't help th-"

“Oh yeah? I haven't once seen you blush around Laf or Hercules. I haven't _once_ seen you hold Thomas’ hand when he's upset. You need to make up your _mind_ -”

Alex was cut short when the air was sucked from his lungs. John had shoved him in the chest hard, making him stumble back, almost falling.

“Shut your fucking mouth, Alex.”

“Or what?” he spat, rage boiling. “You gonna punch me, John? Huh?”

“Shut _up.”_

“Stop hiding it. Just admit it. Just accept it. It'll make things a hell of a lot easier.”

“Shut _up!”_

Alex deserved the clock to the face he received. It would take him a while to accept that though. The pain on the side of his face was incredible. John bounced, shaking his hand and swearing.

“You punched me!”

“You had it coming, asshole."

Alex snapped, grabbing John by the lapels of his jacket and slamming him against the brick wall of the cafeteria. As he held him there, those brown eyes blinking down at him, all anger fizzled away. All those daydreams and desires of having John against a wall… His eyes flickered to the boy’s lips that were parted oh so slightly. John shifted. Alex shifted closer.

“I just...I'm just…”

John's voice fell out, weak and crumbling. “Alex, don't you even _think_ abou-"

He pressed his lips to John's, hating himself to his core. He was expecting to be shoved off, thrown to the ground and maybe kicked for good measure, but instead John's tensed body relaxed a fraction and his hands - against Alex's chest - gently gripped the fabric of his t-shirt. Alex whimpered, allowing his mouth to fall open a little. John responded in turn, breath mingling with Alex's for a split-second before Alex was pushed away.

“Please don't…” he mumbled, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve. “Please don't.”

“John-"

“Look I'm...I'm sorry...I'm sorry I punched you.. I'm sorry for all of this. I just don't think...we can be…”

Alex felt sick again. “Don't you dare say we can't be friends, you _prick_.” Tears spilt from his eyes and his hands curled into fists. “Don't you dare cut me out. And...and what will you say when people ask why we aren't talking? Hmm?”

“I don't….”

“Exactly. ‘Alex and I aren't friends because he brings out the gay in me and-"

Alex was slammed into the wall and when he got over the pain he found himself staring at John with big, round eyes. John's own eyes were streaming.

“I'm _not_ gay.”

“John.”

“I'm _not_.”

“Why are you denying yourself?” Alex asked softly.

“ _For fuck sake, shut up.”_

Alex searched for John's gaze and caught it. He leant forward. His hand came to rest on John's cheek. 

 _“_ What do you have to lose?”

A beat of silence.  “Everything.” John slowly pulled Alex's hand away. His eyes shimmered and betrayed something much deeper that Alex hadn't noticed before. Another beat. John stepped away. “Goodnight.”

“John-"

“I'll see you tomorrow, Alex. None of this ever happened.”

And with that, pretty, hurting John Laurens disappeared into the darkness, shoulders heaving.


	12. Is This Where It Gets Me?

 

Eliza had appeared later that evening and Alex - hating himself once again - feigned illness as best he could as he opened the door to her. 

“Hey,” he murmured, trying to sound as sickly as possible. With no sign of pity for him, she frowned and barged into the room. 

“Is there something wrong with me?” she snapped, facing the window with her hands on her hips. “Or am I just a joke to you?” 

Alex gulped. Perhaps his “sickness” ruse wasn’t really working. 

“No Eliza! That’s not true at all.”

She turned and Alex’s heart became heavy. She was clearly heart-broken and it was very much all his fault. 

“Why do you keep making excuses to not be with me? Every time I try and be intimate…” She averted her gaze from his and made her way over to the bed, sitting down slowly. “...I just...I just like you so much and...and I thought...”

He should tell her. He knew he should.  _I think I’m in love with John Laurens._ The words were right there.  So of course, in true Alex-style when it came to this kind of thing, he chickened out. 

“I like you too.” He hurried to sit beside her, relaxing out of the pretend illness he was supposedly fighting and - in a rush - taking her hands and squeezing. “I just want our first time to be special, that’s all.” Every word tasted disgusting in his mouth. “I want to make it special - not just do it for the sake of it, y’know? I didn’t want to hurry into it. I’m so sorry for making you feel like this.” 

Well. Wasn’t  _ he  _ a monumentally huge piece of shit. Eliza blinked. 

_ F _ _ uck _ , Alex thought.  _ She believes me _ . 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t sorry. God, was he sorry. Probably the sorriest he had been in a while. But the fact that the lie had come so easily...

“Alex," she sighed, closing her eyes. “I suppose I didn’t think of that. Oh, now I feel so  _ stupid _ .”

“No!” he said quickly, rubbing her arm. “No, not at all. I didn’t deal with it in the right way. I shouldn’t have...I shouldn’t…” Tears bubbled over onto his cheeks. He really  _ was  _ feeling sick now. “I’m  _ so  _ sorry.” 

Eliza gasped and threw her hands around his neck. “Don’t cry!” 

“I’m sorry, I’m just-”

“Shhh,” she cooed, stroking his hair, holding onto him tightly with her other arm. “Don’t explain." He wanted to explain. He did, he really did. "I get it. Look, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? We’ll move on. Tomorrow is a new day.” 

 

That just made him want to sob more. 

 

Tomorrow was looking  _ heavy _ . 

 

When Eliza left, Alex switched off the lights and buried himself under his sheets. He didn’t know how long it had been when the door creaked open and Thomas crept in. Thankfully, the other boy didn’t throw the lights on and bustle about as usual. He was very quiet and used the light on his phone to find his pyjamas. Alex appreciated that. 

 

Under the warmth of his comforter, Alex shivered. Tears soaked his pillow. Sleep that night would be difficult and dreamless. 

 

The thought of seeing John again, knowing what had happened, made him sweat. The thought of seeing Eliza, sweet and innocent to his true feelings…

 

_That_ was almost too much to bear. 

 

*

 

The following morning, when the sun had barely risen, Alex pulled on some sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. He’d barely slept and just needed to get out. As he crossed the room, he placed his headphones over his ears and glanced over to Thomas, who was still snoring soundly. 

 

Alex made his way out onto the campus lawn where the grass was still dewy and light mist clung to the air. No one was about - just how he’d hoped it would be. He walked the length of the campus that morning, noting the point at which the college began to stir. Curtains opened, tired faces behind the glass looking out on a new day. The music thrumming in his ears was the divide between his wishful thinking and reality; he would have to deal with the day one step at a time. There was no hiding from it. 

 

At a quarter past eight, his phone vibrated in his pocket. An unknown number. Alex swallowed his mouthful of food. 

“Hello?” he just about managed, using his voice for the first time since the day before.

“Good morning, Alexander.” The voice was so familiar but Alex was too drained to place it.

“Who is this?”

“It’s George Washington. From the radio?” 

Alex immediately sat on the nearest bench. “George? Why are you calling me?” 

A short laugh. “Are you free this morning? Any classes?”

Alex had to think for a moment. “No...not until eleven. Why?”

“Can you come down to the studio? I want to have a chat.” 

“Sure... when?”

“You free now? I’m just in sorting some stuff out.”

Alex almost dropped his bagel. “Oh! Oh - yeah! Sure! I’ll be right there!”

 

Alex swiftly made his way across campus to the radio studio where he found Washington rifling through a box of old records. The older boy was hunched over it, a look of determination on his face. His tongue stuck out in concentration but shot away as soon as he noticed Alex in the doorway. 

“Hey!” he said with a smile, crossing the room to shake Alex’s hand. As he took in Alex’s face, however, he frowned. The shake grew slower. “Are you alright? No offense but you look like crap.”

A smirk crossed Alex’s lips.  _ It’s that obvious, is it?  _

“I’m fine. Just  _ extremely  _ hungover.” A laugh for good measure. 

Washington raised an eyebrow but seemed convinced enough. 

“Okay. Well, you’re probably wondering why I asked you here. Take a seat.” Alex sat. Washington sat on the couch beside him. “I’ll give it to you straight. Since your little ‘pop’ at the council last Sunday, we’ve been inundated with requests to have you back on the air.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s true! The listeners loved your rap; they  _ loved  _ your lyrics. I’ve been in talks with Madison and he’s telling me people have been so moved by it that they've even got in contact with him to report other issues with the council.”

“Yeah, I spoke with him the other day about it” Alex shook his head in disbelief. “People really want me back on air?”

Washington rolled his eyes. “Oh god yeah. And since Sunday, our listener count has gone up every show. I can only put it down to one thing.” He smiled. “ _ You. _ ” 

A moment of silence passed. “...Why are you telling me this?” 

Washington stood. He walked across to the record box and fingered through them with one hand. 

“I’d like you to feature on the show for a while. Maybe two shows a week if that’s not too much to ask?”

“But you said first years-”

Washington waved his hand. “I know, I know. ‘First years can’t be on the shows yadda yadda yadda'. But thing is, we haven’t had any first years quite so in demand as you before.” 

His heart racing, Alex felt his jaw drop open. “I’d  _ love  _ to.” 

“Then it’s settled!” Washington walked over to the couch and held out his hand once again. Alex scrambled up and shook it vigorously. “And you’re looking way better than before already!”

 

Alex and Washington spent the next hour and a half discussing logistics and exchanging ideas. Washington professed that he loved Alex’s enthusiasm, but any college-altering conversation topics would have to be discussed prior to each show, rather than within them. Alex would join Martha and Washington every Sunday night until Christmas and then, if all was going well, Alex could perhaps appear on other shows throughout the week. 

 

When Alex left the studio, it was almost time for his lecture. He was buzzing, and after grabbing a coffee at the cafeteria, he headed to class. Throughout the day, his mind was swirling with ideas and excitement but never strayed far enough from John and Eliza to keep him entirely thrilled. It was late when he got out of his last lecture, and the sun was already dipped low in the sky as he stepped out of the building. He stretched, yawned and checked his watch. It was nearing dinner time, meaning he’d be facing the two people he had thankfully avoided all day. His heart began to sink once more, the adrenaline he’d gotten from the radio news ebbing away. Sticking his hands in his hoodie pocket, he walked briskly down the alley back to his accommodation to get changed into something less slobby. As he walked, he became significantly aware that he was potentially being followed. 

_ Just keep going _ , he said to himself, noting that he was very much alone with the two boys behind him. They were uncomfortably close and gaining speed. 

“Look, I really don’t appreciate-” he began, ready to tell them to get lost, when he was shoved to the ground. Hard. His injured wrist seared with burning pain and he yelped, clutching it to his chest. “What the  _ fuck _ .”

There came no vocal reply. Instead, the reply came in the form of simultaneous kicks to his ribs and back. He’d never been in so much pain. The kicks kept coming, blow after blow. Was he being mugged? 

“Please, you can have my wallet! My phone!” His voice was weak and barely existent. He sobbed the words out, growing terrified when he tasted blood on his tongue. 

Suddenly, he was hoisted to his feet and slammed against the wall. He looked around. No one else. The boys were wearing scarves over their mouths and baseball caps, shielding their identities.

“ _ Please _ ,” Alex wept, trying to fight back but he was pinned fast to the brickwork. When he saw a knife appear, he cried out, but a calloused hand slapped across his mouth. His body fought, trying to get away from the shining metal of the blade, but his attackers were too strong. He expected to be threatened. He expected to be held at the point of the knife and throw his valuables to the ground. 

 

He did not expect the second boy to move abruptly, sinking the knife into the space below his ribs on his right side. He screamed into the hand of the boy holding him. White-hot agony flushed his system and he couldn’t do  _ anything.  _ He had never felt more helpless. It was when the knife slid out that Alex felt the gush of warm blood soaking his side and leg.

“You fucking dickhead,” one boy hissed at the other, staring at the bloodied knife. “It was never in the job description to fucking _stab_ him!” 

The other boy shrugged, voice low and rough. “Always wanted to know what it would feel like to do it. Plus, we got paid enough for this.”

The words were distant. Alex’s brain was growing foggier and foggier by the minute. 

“We gotta go,” the other one snapped. With that, Alex was released and he fell to the ground, breathing heavily and whimpering. The two boys scarpered and he was left alone, bleeding out. He clutched the wound, understanding slowly that the amount of blood he was losing could be...pretty bad. 

_ Think Alex, think! _ His brain was fighting for him now, pushing through the pain. He looked around. He was in the alley next to John and Laf’s dorm. Shaking, he managed to climb to his feet and fumble his way down the alley to the door. There were people on the other side of the lawn but he hadn’t the strength to call out to them. Luckily, John and Laf’s room was on the second floor. He just prayed they were in there. 

 

The stairs were almost impossible. Every step was agonising. His thoughts were so clouded that he struggled to recall their room number. 

“John,” he breathed, wanting it to be a shout. “ _ John _ .” 

Finally, he was there, outside their door. He raised a hand to knock but simply fell against the wood, breaking the door down and falling into the room with it.

“What the fuck?!” came a shout of indignance before a gasp of horror. “ _Alex?_!” 

What happened next was a blur. Alex phased in and out of consciousness. He saw Laf, white as a sheet, lift a phone to his ear. He saw John drop to his knees beside him, tear off his shirt and winced when he felt a great pressure against his wound. 

“Don’t you die, you hear me? Alex, Alex,  _ please _ . Alex, oh my  _ god _ .  _ Alex.” _

His name on John’s lips was the last thing he heard before the darkness didn’t return him to the light.


	13. Helpless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments - they make writing this little story so much more worth it. I am genuinely mainly writing this for me because I just need to get it out of my brain, but for others to enjoy it too is a real pleasure and delight for me. 
> 
> Sorry about the end of the last chapter, left you with a little bit of angst. Hopefully this chapter makes up for it!

Voices faded in and out. Whoever they belonged to, they echoed as though they were at the end of a long, empty hallway. They seemed far away, yet close all at the same time, and it brought on a deep unease in Alex. He desperately wanted to open his eyes to see who was speaking but he couldn’t quite manage it; his body was weak and unforgiving. Instead, he gave in to the tendrils of sleep that were slowly curling around his consciousness.

 

Unaware of how much time had past since the last time he was aware of his surroundings, Alex took a deep breath. New, more familiar voices floated around him now and the light beyond his eyelids was different. Softer, somehow. He was finally comfortable and the voices lured him from the depths of his own mind. Eventually, he managed to prise open one eye. There were no harsh hospital lights any more; instead, the pokey room was awash with the blushing colours of the sunset. At the foot of the bed, Lafayette and John were sitting on armchairs in the middle of a conversation with Lafayette gesturing wildly as he always did.

“You French sure do like to make yourselves heard, don’t you?” Alex murmured, smirking a little. Lafayette immediately snapped his head around and found Alex’s gaze. Beside him, John also turned and a look of the purest relief crossed his face. 

“ _ Fantastique _ !” Lafayette crowed, smiling as he stood. “How are you feeling,  _ mon petit _ ?”

“Like I just got stabbed,” Alex replied with a grimace, sinking lower into the sheets. “And if  _ you’re  _ here, Laf, I reckon I died and this is Hell. Am I right?” 

Lafayette went to toss the phone in his hand at him but quickly retracted his fist. 

“You’re lucky you got stabbed. Otherwise…” He shook the phone in his direction and laughed, now shaking his head. “Eliza will be so thrilled that you are back with us, Alexander. I shall go and collect her. She is currently getting us coffees.” He paused and nodded. “I am very glad to see you awake, my friend.”

With that, he sped from the room, leaving John - still silent - on the armchair at the end of the bed. 

 

Without a word, the boy rose to his feet and made his way cautiously to Alex’s bedside. Not once did his eyes leave Alex’s on the journey. Alex’s breath caught in his throat. A hand wrapped around his. 

“You nearly died.” A small voice. It cracked on the last word.

Alex released the withheld breath. “I guess I nearly did.” 

John closed his eyes. “...I held you as we...as we waited for…” A swallow. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“I'm here, John."

"I know."

"About the other night-”

His hand was squeezed hard. Almost too hard. “Shh. Don’t. Not right now. Let me…”

John looked as though he was about to cry. His eyes shone in the pink light that was streaming in through the window and he ran his other thumb down Alex’s cheek. The contact was not expected but it was certainly very welcome. It was warm and soft. Alex found John’s hand with his own and held it in place against his face, wanting to remain in that moment forever. 

“Alex...the fact that you’re alive is a miracle. You lost so much blood. It was all over the floor, all over the stairs...If you had died…”

“I didn’t.”

“If you  _ had _ ...I’d never have forgiven myself for not apologising. I hit you. I-”

“I deserved it.”

“You didn-”

The door swung open. Voices. Thankfully, the two boys were hidden by a screen and John stepped away, tucking his hands behind his back. 

“Oh,  _ Alex _ !” Eliza wailed, pushing past John, who stumbled back awkwardly, and taking Alex’s face in her hands. “Thank  _ goodness _ .” She swiftly planted kisses all over his cheeks and held him close. Over her, Alex’s eyes found John’s. John took a visibly deep breath and walked away.

 

*

 

When Alex was finally ready to leave the hospital, the number of discussions he had with the police were countless. No, he did not know who it was that stabbed him. No, he did not know their reasons or motive. No, he didn’t remember this. No, he couldn’t recall that. The questions were repeated over and again across the following few days and Alex could only tell them so much. Eventually, he left his case in their hands and was driven back to college by Hercules, the only one of the group who had his car at college. Herc helped him hobble up the stairs to his dorm room and waited for him whilst he cleaned up. Apparently, there was a surprise for him at Angelica’s place and he needed to be looking sharp. Thomas was nowhere to be seen for the entire time they were in his room, which was surprising seeing as it took Alex hours to shower due to the pain in his wound every time he moved. 

Hercules was so good to him. He helped him get dressed and both dry and style his hair. He tied his shoes and patted him on the head for good measure.

“There’s my boy. All ready for his first day back alive again.” 

Alex snorted, shoved Hercules as best he could without further injuring himself and slowly descended the stairs back to Herc’s car. 

 

When they arrived at Angelica’s, Alex was met by uproarious, joyful cheering as he crossed the threshold. They were all there - including Thomas - plus others that he had bonded with since starting college. A party, just for him. A huge grin spread over his face. His eyes found John, near the back of the group, beaming at him. However, the smile didn’t quite meet his eyes. Alex had that on his mind the entire evening, through the shots, the games, the drinking. John was always near but never too near, as though Alex would burn him if he got too close. 

 

The evening was wonderful but by midnight, Alex and his closest companions were the only ones left and they were all sprawled across the chairs in the living room. 

“A proposition,” Lafayette said with a yawn, stretching in his armchair. “About Christmas.” 

A sound moved across the room as people shifted. 

“Oh?”

“But that’s so far away!”

“Laf, are you high?”

Lafayette pushed himself up from the chair, picking up his cup of tea from the side table and taking a small sip.

“ _ Non _ . Of course not. I have been thinking about this for a time seeing as you are all such good people. Also, I would like to announce it now so that we can all make plans not to  _die_ before the winter holiday." 

He shot a playful glare at Alex who raised his hands as those around him giggled.

_ "Ma mère et mon père  _ are travelling to the Caribbean for Christmas and they extended me an invitation.” He sighed. “However, I am not content of going to St. Lucia or Barbados or such places now. The appeal has worn away.  _ So  _ I thought I’d invite you all to spend the time between Christmas and New Year with me at my home in Lyon. How is that sounding?”

A hush fell upon the room. 

“Are you serious?”

“In your  _ mansion?”  _

“And via my private jet,” Lafayette added with a wink. Alex swooned and let out a laugh whilst Hercules bound to his feet and whooped loudly. Angelica and Eliza were squealing with delight and Thomas had a Cheshire Cat grin on his face. It was only John who seemed genuinely upset by the invitation. Lafayette swanned over to him and knelt at his side.

“My dear John, why do you look so miserable? Has it not always been your dream to see my exotic paradise of France?” Lafayatte splayed his hands as though painting a picture of it for all to see.

John smiled weakly, tapping at the outside of his mug. “Thanks for the invite, Laf, but my Dad is very particular about how we spend Christmas time. After the big day, we always have a schedule to adhere to and rounds to make down in South Carolina. It’s his “special time of year”.  He...he wouldn’t let me go even if I begged.” 

“What are you,  _ twelve _ ?” Thomas said with a snort, rolling his eyes. “He won’t  _ let  _ you go? Tell him to suck a dick and leave you alone.”

John laughed a little. “I wish I could. But go ahead, you guys! You’ll have an amazing time!”

Everyone was quiet for a moment. John was progressively turning deeper shades of red and for some reason, he was occasionally flicking his gaze to Alex. 

“My Dad is a stubborn man,” John added, trying to fill the silence. “He’s very...family-oriented and particular about things. He wasn’t happy with my choice of college degree or my choice of accommodation or... or…” He snapped his mouth closed.

“You don’t need to explain John, we understand! It won’t be the same without you though,” Angelica said sadly, leaning over and patting his knee. John smiled again. But Alex saw right through it. John was _devastated_. 

 

*

 

The week that followed was exceptionally busy for Alexander Hamilton. He spent them catching up on his classes, meeting with Washington and Martha to plan their first show together, talking with a detective who was assigned to his case and fitting in time with his friends. They tried to keep discussions about the Christmas trip to a minimum around John.

In addition to all of this, Alex had to find time for Eliza. He finally organised a night for Thomas to be out of the room so that they could...get down to it. She loved it all, the candles, the music and the sex. He  _ did  _ like her. He did. And she made him happy. Time slipped by and it became easier to be with her. They held hands. They giggled and kissed in front of the group and were moaned at for PDA and then they giggled some more. Weeks passed and Alex’s life was looking up. His wound healed, he became stronger and his friendships only grew stronger too. His “John Laurens” problem was finally beginning to ebb away.

But then, one day in early November, some idiot (Thomas) decided that a childish game of Spin the Bottle would be a fantastic way to spend a rainy evening in. With everyone stuffed into Alex’s room, they span it and  _ of course _ it eventually landed on Alex and John. With everyone cheering, with everyone having no idea what it was that Alex was feeling in his gut, with no one having a clue what that look in John’s eyes meant, the two boys shuffled across the circle towards one another.

Nevertheless, when they were inches apart, it felt as though they were the only two people in the world at that moment. The cheering died away into the distance and suddenly there was only him and John. 

“...Hi,” John mumbled, laughing a little and blushing hard. Alex felt his ears burn red. 

“Hi.”

“Just kiss him!” someone shouted from far away. Oh, he really didn’t need that. He didn’t need this situation at all. He had done  _ so  _ well. He was making progress with Eliza and life was  _ good.  _ He had  _ moved. on.  _ from John Laurens.

“Come on John! Get on with it, Alex! It doesn’t make you gay to kiss a dude!” Hercules yelled from elsewhere. That was the last thing Alex needed to hear and apparently, that was the same for John, judging by the look on his face. “Get on with it! Make out, ya homophobes!”

Drawing all his courage, Alex swallowed hard and placed a hand on John’s cheek. It was hot but he felt John shudder. John was stock still and Alex was the only one to lean in. He placed his lips lightly against John’s. For a second, he thought John was going to pull away and that would be that, but instead he felt John’s mouth open just a fraction.

Alex’s breath caught in his throat. A decision settled in his mind.

If he was going to get one shot at kissing John Laurens for real - without any repercussions - he was going to take it with all that he goddamn had.

Moving one hand to the back of John's head and grabbing the small of John's back with the other, he startled the poor boy as he yanked him flush against him. There were screams of joy from outside the little bubble that was forming around them and Alex’s heart hammered in his chest. He pressed his lips against John's and they stayed there a short while, John immobile and Alex slowly but surely burying his fingers into John’s thick curls. But then, just as Alex was losing hope that this would be more than a closed-mouth affair, John morphed into a version of himself that Alex had never had the pleasure of meeting before. But boy, was he happy to make his acquaintance. John grasped Alex by the face and opened his mouth, slipping his tongue into Alex’s mouth. Alex squeaked a little but then responded with an equal amount of zeal. He didn’t keep his hands in one place for very long.; they moved over John’s face, they were in his hair, all over his back, gripping his hips…everywhere he had  _ dreamed  _ about touching since the first day he had laid eyes on him. The kiss was blazing fire. The kiss was pure, unadulterated  _ bliss.  _ All of a sudden, out of nowhere, he even felt John’s hips push against his slightly. Alex felt a wave of pleasure consume him and he pushed back, almost choking when he felt a hardness there. It was then that John broke the kiss and the bubble popped as quickly as it had formed. John scrambled back to his original position and shoved his hands into his lap, face pink and ears red. They were met with tremendous applause and even Eliza was laughing hysterically as though they had just performed some comedy show. 

 

Alex was frozen. 

 

No repercussions? What a _fool_.

 

He knew that had been a lie the moment he’d thought it. 

 

He was absolutely, undoubtedly, deeply in love with pretty boy John Laurens.

And he couldn't really think of a more disquieting repercussion than that.


End file.
